Why should I? Why should I care anymore? Why do I still check in on you? Why do you still have this impeccable ability to get under my skin? You’re not worthy of it. It’s not often than I say that someone isn’t worthy of something. Most of the time I’ll be singing the opposite. I’ll be preaching and singing and even screaming that someone is worth the time. That they’re worth the effort. That they’re worth the energy. Not you. Not anymore.
I said before that you’ve taken that part away from me – the part where I care about people and I’m able to show empathy. That’s not true. It’s gone in a sense, but not towards everyone. It’s only gone towards you. You’re the only person that I’m able to say that I don’t care to see succeed anymore. Even people that hurt me years ago, and they hurt me deeply, I still hope to see them succeed. Not you.
It’s not that I even want to see you fail. I don’t want to see you succeed, I don’t want to see you fail, I don’t want to see you at all. I want you out of my life. I’m done with you. I’ve never, ever felt so done with anyone in my entire life. You didn’t destroy me, you destroyed any amount of compassion that I felt towards you. You destroyed my empathy for you. You destroyed the sliver of desire that I had left to help you.
When you show up asking for help now? All I want to do is close the door. I may feel some kind of emotion, but it’s not empathy. It’s anger. Then the anger grows, but not my anger towards you. My anger grows towards myself for feeling ANYTHING towards you, because YOU are not worth my time. There are so many more people that are deserving of my time. There are people that are deserving of my energy and my compassion. Not you.
It’ll send me into this spiral where I’ll start going back in the past few years. I’ll look at what’s going through my head, I’ll replay our memories and I’ll become more and angrier at myself. I’ll see that you were never worth my time. You were never worth my energy at all. I spent so much time trying to help you, trying to care. I told myself that if you had people just to care for you then maybe you would be different. You’re not, though.
Nothing about you is ever going to change. You’re going to spend your entire life preying on others, and the fact that you tried to come back into my life – and then LIED about that when it didn’t work out… it disgusts me. The truth is that YOU disgust me. I deserved so much better from a friend.
I have better friends now. I have better relationships with the people in my life now that you’re not around weighing me down. You’re out of my life, and the fact that you continue to try to come back in makes me sick. You try to come back in, you get rejected, and you lie. That’s the kind of person that you are, and this time, I’m not going to be the fool to believe that you’ve changed.
You haven’t changed, and you never will. You aren’t my problem now. You were only my problem before because I allowed it. I held onto so much in just the simple hope that there could be a good person inside of you somewhere. When I see the light, I know that any shred of decency in you that I saw was made up. I made it up to protect myself. To justify what I was doing. You weren’t worth that either.
I’m worth it, though. I’m worth my current friendships, I’m worth the love that I’m shown. I’m worth the better people that have come into my life. You came into my life to teach me a lesson, and believe me, you did. You taught me that people aren’t always going to be good. They’re not always going to show the same respect that you show them. I accept that now. But I will never be able to thank you enough for going away. Thank you for showing your true colors – they really don’t shine that brightly.