One of these days, I’m going to stop missing you. The good morning texts that I send are going to stop. The texts just to check up on you are going to be gone. I’ll be gone from your life, because one day, I’m going to stop missing you. We had moments where I cared about you, I cared so deeply that I was willing to jump through hoops in order to be with you. I was willing to go through whatever it took to make you happy.
I used to be that girl that would hold onto my phone and immediately respond to any text that you sent, any call that you decided that I was worthy of. I would wait patiently to hang out with you, I would make sure that you had rides to and from class and work just to make sure that you got everywhere safely. That part has already changed in me.
I don’t expect you to call anymore, I don’t expect you to text me anymore. One of these days I’m going to do the same. I’m not going to want to hear from you. I’ll be just like you – except you won’t be on my radar at all. Not even when I’m desperate for affection, not even when you cross my mind. That empty feeling in my chest when I think about you is going to be gone.
You’re going to be a distant memory for me. You’re going to be nothing more than someone that played a part in my life – I can’t expect those memories to disappear. I cannot expect the memories of you to go away forever, and I never do. I really, really never expect my thoughts of you to go away. Whatever we had meant nothing to you, and one day it’s not going to mean as much to me.
The only reason that you’ll ever still be in my mind – because no one can erase memories. No one can completely eliminate someone from their mind. This isn’t Eternal Sunshine, although sometimes I wish it were. I wish that this were a movie that I could just take everything that reminds me of you, every piece of what our friendship, relationship, whatever was, and I could go to a clinic just to have you erased.
I don’t think that I would ever regret having you erased, like what you did to me. One of these days, though, I’m not going to miss you. I’m not going to want you to be in my life anymore. I’m not going to want you to be someone that ever crosses my mind. One of these days I’m going to stop caring so much. You won’t be able to get under my skin, you won’t be able to cause me any more harm. You’ll be where you belong – in the past.
There’s no reason for me to think of you as anything other than a horrible person that I trusted. I’ll never be able to see you as anything else. One day, I hope that you realize what you had, though. I hope that you realize that you threw away a friend that genuinely cared. I hope that one day, you realize that you threw away someone that genuinely wanted to see your success. I hope that one day, you realize that you threw away a person that actually thought that you were capable of succeeding in life, despite all your flaws.
One day I’m not going to miss you anymore. One of these days, I’m going to fully move on, and you won’t be more than just a monster that crossed into my nightmares. And one day, you’re going to miss me. You’re going to miss my texts about nothing, you’re going to miss the fact that I always checked up on you. One day, you’re going to miss that I actually listened to you, and you’re going to miss that I cared about you.
By the time that you realize you miss me, it’ll be too late. The time that you realize that I was a good friend, one of the best that you’ll ever come across, and that you threw it away. The truth is, that I won’t miss you anymore because I’m going to realize that you never deserved my friendship. You never deserved anything that I gave to you. You’re going to miss me, but I am NOT going to miss you anymore, and there is no shame coming from that.
I don’t wish you the best, because when you have it, you trash it. I don’t wish you the best because you just trash everything that comes your way. I’m not going to miss you, I’m not going to think that you’re a good person, I’m never going to tell people that you’re someone worthy of caring about. I won’t tell them either direction – but my wish for you is that you change. That next time you have a friend or ANYONE that genuinely cares about you, that you realize it, you treasure it, and you actually show them the love that you deserve.
I hope that no one else ever has to miss you because you ran away like you always do. I hope that you change. When you change, and you miss me, please just know that I no longer miss you. The last goodbye was the final goodbye, and that’s all there is left to say.