Never Make The Mistake Of Thinking I Needed You

woman in white off-shoulder top
Stas Svechnikov / Unsplash

Everyone needs certain things to survive in this world. Food, water, shelter, relationships, etc. We all need some things to survive. Almost everything we do is just working towards doing what we need to do to get by. In life, you’ll come across friends and other relationships. These people can become dependent. My biggest pet peeve with my relationships? I care about you, without a doubt. But don’t ever make the mistake of thinking I can’t live without you.

I’ve had relationships and friendships before you, and I’ll have the same after you. I don’t need you to be in my life. You are a preference, you are someone that I am making the choice to continue holding onto. I am also no longer afraid to make the choice to cut you out of the life you have forced your way into.

My life was fine before you decided that you needed something – you needed me. It was never the other way around. I would have carried on with or without you. You were someone I held as a friend for a period of time before seeing the succubus you have so thinly veiled. I would have carried on without you just fine – even better than I am with you in my life.

I will not withhold my opinion of you to make your life easier. I want it to be known that you are a monster. You have dug your talons into others and manifested false hope in them for too long. You are someone that walks into the lives of others and you will push them and you will take everything that they have until there is nothing left for them to give. Once their life force runs out you will move onto the next person you see – the next human with even a glimmer of light in them.

That is what happens when people are around you. The light drains out of them – you force them into a corner. Calling yourself a healer, a bringer of light when you are nothing but the reason for suffering.

Every memory that I have with you is now tainted as I remember what kind of person you truly are. I remember what kind of person you pretended to be to work your way into my life and now, looking back on pictures, looking back on memories, I see what you are, what you always have been. You are the reason I fear darkness, you are the reason that I fear the unknown, that I am afraid to show love, show empathy to others. Everything that you’ve taken from me was blatantly laid out in front of my eyes – I chose to ignore it. That was my decision.

During our failed friendship – you made the mistake of believing that I needed you. That was your choice because I never did. I never needed anyone but myself, and I do have a net that I can fall into. I have a reality that you so strongly tried to dilute. My family is still here, my mother will always be mine, she made the choice to keep me, to love me, to show me the way. My mother’s strength is admirable.

She is the one that helped me realize that in order to survive, to truly survive, the only person that I need is myself. I never needed you to come crashing into my life with all your poison. My world is mine, I will never allow myself to need another human. I will cherish them, I will value them, but after everything that I trekked through with you – I know now that I don’t need anyone. I can make it on my own. I can do things, I can live life, I can move forward on my own.

You were just another character in the grand scheme of things holding me back. It took me longer to notice you than I did with the others. I never noticed you were in the corner, planning. You were a person that I trusted wholeheartedly – all I could trust you to do was try to destroy me further.

I never want you to make that mistake again. You are not someone that I need in my life – you are not someone that I ever want to encounter again. I know that there are going to be many more people exactly like you while I walk through life and my hope is that they see you before you see them. You have never been someone worthy of trust, worthy of the love and compassion that I’ll put into someone else. You have never been someone worthy of me.

Don’t ever make the mistake of thinking I need you. You were cherished and loved, but you will never, ever be someone that I need. You will never again be a person that I value in this world because you are undeserving of what I could give to you. You are undeserving of the kindness and love that was shown. To think – you thought I needed you? That’s where the biggest joke lies. I never needed you, and my deepest prayer is that I never, ever find another you. TC mark

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