In the beginning, things were so beautiful. He treated you like a princess, he made you feel like you were his queen, you were his one and only, the only thing that mattered to him more (maybe) was his family. This was the most beautiful relationship that you’d ever been in. He made you feel powerful, he made you feel like things were going to be okay. He made you feel like you’ve never felt before, and it was mind-blowing.
What was just as mindblowing was your first fight. You may have said something, or done something. He may have said something, or done something. Either way, it happened and it felt like it was over right before your eyes. Everything felt like it was ending before it even truly had its chance to begin. It was horrifying.
Then as quickly as that happened, he was back. You’d never felt so thankful, you felt like you were unworthy of having this beautiful creature back in your life. You felt like you needed him in order to survive, to get that same feeling back. You felt like you needed him in order to have that happiness, that love, that joy that was there the first time around.
Did it ever actually come back or was it something that you had envisioned? It’s possible that you were making this person up in your head the whole time. Then the relationship was full of ups and downs, constantly riding a rollercoaster of love and hate. Never knowing whether you were going to resent the person or if you were going to love them the same way ever again. It was just something that wasn’t right.
He wasn’t the same person anymore. He’s constantly got to feel like he has the upper hand with everything. Everything is his way or the highway, and it’s just like that. That’s all that it is. It’s never anything loving or compassionate anymore – it’s about power and control.
I hate to break it to you, sister – this is the “man” that he truly was to start with. Everything was about power and control. You felt how he wanted you to feel. You felt what he wanted you to feel when he wanted you to feel it. You’re never going to get that first person back because that’s not who he is. He is someone that doesn’t deserve you and never did. He never deserved to have you grace his presence.
He never deserved to have your laughter, your tears, your joy, sorrow, anything. He never deserved anything from you because he never deserved you. He says that things are your fault, and they’re not. Don’t go back to this again. Abusive relationships don’t have an ending cycle until one party walks away.
Be that party. Be the person that walks away and don’t look back. Don’t turn around and don’t look back at the look that he’s going to give you. Don’t answer his false apologies that will inevitably make it seem like everything was your fault. Don’t answer his messages, don’t read his texts, don’t allow him back into your life. He was the one that was never worthy.
If he ever once made you feel that you were unworthy of him, turn and walk away. That is a boy that was never worthy of you. He was never worthy of being with you. He was a monster and you were a girl that wanted love. Just walk away, and stop going back. He doesn’t deserve you. He never deserved you at all. Don’t look back.