I Don’t Wish You Happiness

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Hector Gomez / Unsplash

I was afraid to fall for anyone from the start. When we first met, I was taken. I wasn’t happy though. I wasn’t happy with him. I was content. I thought that maybe, just maybe you could be the one that could change it. You made me happy. You showed me what it felt like to be happy. Or maybe I finally allowed myself to see what it was like to be happy.

You had no effect on my happiness…I had that. I was the one that let my guard down and let myself be happy. I was the one that let my guard down and let myself be trusted for once. I was the one that let everything go the direction that it did. I trusted you with everything.

I dropped everything with my family, I dropped everything with my friends, I dropped time with people that would have loved to have me around. I did that all for you. I know that you never asked me to. I know that you never told me to do it and you never thought that I was going to do anything like that.

You did ask me to make special time in my life for you, though. You made me feel like I was a fool, like I shouldn’t go back to the person that I was with. You made me feel like I shouldn’t be with someone that was treating me well. You made me question things. I allowed you to plant ideas in my head and you did. You got through the walls I’d so carefully built, and you put the ideas in my head and did everything that I thought you would never do.

I never thought that I would fall for you but I thought that you were special. I knew that there was something different about you. I knew that there was something about you that was just… unique. There was something about you that I would never be able to put my finger on, but it was something.

I wasn’t wrong. You played with my emotions. You played with my feelings. You were different than the guy that I was with because you were a monster. You didn’t care about anyone but yourself. The worst part is that I had warning. I had plenty of warning and you were the one that I didn’t heed. I didn’t listen to any of the warnings about you.

You found someone new, and you’re happy now. I said that I hope that you two succeed and that you truly find happiness. Did I really mean that? No. I don’t mean that. I didn’t mean it, I don’t mean it, and I don’t know that I’ll be able to genuinely mean it for a very, very long time. You toyed with me. You made me think that I was going to be something to you.

I don’t wish you two happiness. I don’t wish you two the best. I don’t wish you happiness, and I hope that she does to you what you did to everyone else. I hope that this girl makes you suffer, and she plays with your head the way that you played with mine and many others.

I guess all I really want to say to you is Fuck You for playing with me. Fuck You for playing with those other girls, too. Fuck You for playing with the emotions of everyone and pretending to be oh so hurt and oh so innocent. Fuck You for lying about who you are and everything that you pretended to be. Fuck You for what you’ve done.

I don’t wish you the best but I wish that you get what you deserve. I wish that you get what you’ve done to others. I wish that karma comes back to you and you regret every moment that you caused pain to another person.

I’ll recover. I’m better than that, and I deserve better than that. I deserve to have the world. I deserve someone amazing, someone loyal and honest. I deserve someone that isn’t going to be like you. I’ll get that. TC mark

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