What Happened To You?

Couple sitting closely together on a ledge overlooking a river
Tord Sollie / Unsplash

It feels like such a blur now. You were unique. You caught my eye. You were kind and funny. You were different than anyone that I’d ever met, in more ways than just this one. You were special. Your personality was different, or so it seemed. You made me feel special.  Soon, I gave up on you.

Twist right there, right? Probably not. The perfect guy? He doesn’t exist. You were just another chameleon. The difference between you and the others, though, was that you weren’t a chameleon to fit in with the crowd that was “normal,” you forced yourself to be “different.” I remember in our first conversation, you told me that you truly believed yourself to be a vampire. You wanted your teeth filed perfectly. You wanted to be this immortal being that last forever. You called yourself crazy. I never did. I adored you, to be honest. I adored how you were different. I adored how you were a new person. I adored how you were just something that I couldn’t find in anyone else. When I heard you sing, my heart melted. I turned into this pile of… I don’t know what. I thought that it was incredible.. I thought that you were incredible.

It doesn’t make sense to give up on someone that you find incredible, does it? But you ask what happened to me.. and all I can think is, “ME?! What happened to ME?!” No, what happened to YOU? You shed your skin, and you decided that you were done being who you claimed you were. It was almost overnight you changed your entire being. Your entire brand as a person became different. You became different, and it was heartbreaking.

I don’t know why I chose the word was, seeing what you’re doing now? It’s still heartbreaking. You don’t even believe in yourself, always asking if people are still there, if they’re still standing with you. You have a cult that always says yes, says how much they love you. It makes me wonder how many of these girls that you were telling you loved, when you were calling me your queen. I know the difference, I’ve always known the difference between romantic love, and fan love, and not all of those girls are “just crazy fans”, sweetheart. Not all of those girls are just crazy and trying to ruin your being. Not all of them. How many were there?

What happened to you? You claimed you had nothing but loyalty. You claimed that loyalty and honesty were the most important traits to you, but you don’t exhibit them yourself. You hide things when they’re getting too close. You push people away, you “ghost” people. It’s almost like you make rounds with all of these girls. They’ve been ghosted too, and yet all of us keep coming back.

What happened to you? You were a different person. You were special, and you always will be, but what happened to you? You became a new person today. You became something that I didn’t love, and I had no choice but to walk away. What happened to you? Why do you have to chameleon your way through? You do so much, and I’ve still never seen the real you.

I don’t think any of us have seen the real, crazy you. And I think some of us would give anything to see it be real. To see things be what they are. To see you as you, and see your beauty as a person. We want to see perfection, that you always strive for, but when you’re striving, you run out. You aren’t what these people think that you are. Who are you? Let me see who you are. Let us all see who you are. I guarantee, there will still be love, there will still be people standing by your side. There will still be the people that love you, regardless of what you are or are not. You are a good person, and I truly believe that, but I just want to know… What happened to you? Who are you? Are you crazy? TC mark

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