Never again will I hold myself back for someone that I think could offer me friendship. Never again will I pretend to enjoy something that I don’t. Never again will I pretend that the person I’m hanging around with is more deserving than myself. Call me greedy for that, call me awful for that, I’m not. I’ve held myself back for friendship time after time. I’ve held myself back for potential love (even friendship love) constantly. I’ve always just wanted to be loved, to feel special, to feel like something amazing is happening, or has potential to happen. I’ve always wanted to just feel like everything is going to be okay and that I’m special enough to matter.
Never again am I going to invest my time into someone that makes me feel alone. Never again am I going to invest my time into someone that makes me feel drained, feel empty, lost, confused. Never again am I going to hold myself back for someone that’s misdirecting me, whether it be intentional or not. Never, ever again am I going hold myself back with the belief of “Love conquers all,” because it doesn’t. Love isn’t a cure-all. You can’t let yourself believe that, either. You can’t let yourself believe that you can cure someone just by loving them, just by cherishing their friendship. You can’t hold yourself back for someone that doesn’t care about you the same way that you care about them, because there’s no reason to continue it. Sometimes, you just have to let go. You have to tell yourself that things aren’t okay, and that love isn’t going to cure the person. You need to remind yourself that sometimes, just sometimes, love won’t fix the entire world. Love isn’t all you need.
To the people that hold themselves back, to the ones that believe that they can conquer the world, and they can take care of everything just by caring about someone, don’t hold yourself back. The most important lesson that I’ve learned in all of my journeys through everything? Love yourself first. You have got to love yourself, you’ve got to know when to let go. You’ve got to know when someone isn’t great for you. You’ve got to know when a relationship is turning into something toxic and awful. You’ve got to know when to stop. Stop holding yourself back. You deserve to know that you are beautiful, and you are loved, and you are special. You deserve to know that you deserve the love and passion that you’re spending oh so much time investing into this person, and you won’t be receiving it back.
Sometimes, you’ve just got to know that you’re causing your suffering. If you look, really look, you’ll see the person’s colors? Well, they’re not as vibrant as you thought they were. They’re not as beautiful as you thought that they were, and they never will be. The person that’s causing your suffering is causing it because they’re hurting inside. You can try to give them all the love that you want, but sometimes, not even that much love will be enough. You can’t love someone that doesn’t love themselves.
Don’t hold yourself back for someone that doesn’t cherish themselves, because if they don’t cherish themselves, then they’re never going to cherish you, or anything that you have to offer them. You can try to guide them, but you need to remember, you cannot save someone that doesn’t want to be saved. You cannot help someone that doesn’t want to be helped. You cannot love someone that doesn’t want to be loved. You’ll be on their level. You’ll be the one suffering with them. You’ll be the one that’s getting hurt. You’ll be the one that’s in pain because nothing you do can help someone.
Remember, remember, remember, remember, for the love of all that is holy, remember: love. yourself. first. If you love yourself first, then you can offer the love that you need, and you can see more clearly. You’ll clearly see that the person that you were working oh so hard for? They’re not worthy of the time, the effort, and the pain that you’ve put into them, invested into them, and put into trying to love them, because they may pretend, but they don’t and will never love themselves, and if you continue to put up with abuse from someone, then you don’t love yourself either. Don’t let yourself fall into that trap. Don’t let yourself get hurt, just because you want to save them. Again; don’t hold yourself back, and always, always, always love yourself first.