When I was a little girl, I thought I’d have this life at 30 that was so glamorous and self-assured. I’d be married or close to it and have a successful career and have all the answers to life’s questions. Boy, was that naive little girl totally wrong.
I turned 30 today. I danced in a jungle in Mexico drinking champagne and Don Julio 1942 with women who not only inspire me to be a better woman, but also who MAKE me a better woman. I laughed and cried about how difficult life can be and just how happy I am with everything in my life, even the really shitty parts.
I’m both amazed and lucky that I have the opportunity to have such powerful beautiful individuals in my life and who would travel to Tulum to celebrate the demise of my 20s with me, and also know that all I really ever wanted for my 30th birthday were unicorn floats and flasks that look like sunblock. My heart is so full to have the support and love of women who not only know my soul better than I do at times, but also never judge the error of my ways. (And trust me, there are many!)
What I’ve learned on my voyage to 30 hasn’t been easy but it’s been worth it. Even still, some days I sleep too late. Some nights I text my ex boyfriend gibberish at 4am, eat pizza 5 times a week and many days I even forget to put underwear on, but I guess this is what learning to be an adult is all about. It’s all part of the journey. Life is messy and beautiful and I’m continuously amazed at what we can brave as humans and the love we can create if we only open our hearts.
Here’s all the wonderful (and maybe not so wonderful things) I’ve learned from turning 30.
Silence can be good and necessary.
“That’s when you know you’ve found somebody really special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably share silence.” — Mia Wallace, Pulp Fiction
Sometimes silence IS golden. I’ve realized we spent so much time in our own heads and we tend to think the best medicine for these uncertain feelings is to talk about it. Which may be true on occasion, but sometimes the best therapy is not talking at all. Sometimes the best therapy is to sit in silence with someone who gets you and laugh at not so funny jokes made my Sarah Silverman while watching the cat fall of the counter. Sometimes it’s best to not discuss all the things that everyone else seems to keep asking you about. Sometimes people don’t realize they’re digging you out of a hole of despair when they indeed are, and that’s the most beautiful thing. Sometimes the distraction of the silence reminds you that nothing is permanent and feelings pass onto the next, illustrating that nothing is set in stone and life, does indeed, go on.
Forgiveness take practice.
And this will always be the case. That and it’s much easier to forgive another person than it is to forgive yourself. But sometimes you have to remember you’re only human too and sometimes those bad mistakes are made by you. And that’s ok. Not only is it ok, but it’s necessary. Learn to forgive others, learn to forgive yourself and learn to forgive the universe and you’ll have a calmer heart.
Some(most) great loves are never meant to last.
I’ve have the pleasure of having two great loves of my life; neither who I am with today. Does that change how much I loved them or what gigantic influence they each made on my life in very different ways? No, not at all. They were great loves for that period of my life and their purpose was to teach me things about the world and about myself that I couldn’t learn on my own. But were they ever to be mine forever? No way in hell. Their purpose was to break a piece of my heart apart so much that I may learn something difficult about myself; so that I might discover a better version of myself or that in may discover a horrible part of myself and fight like hell to better that part. They were never meant to be my forever person, and that’s the most tragically wonderful part of it all.
Drink water, practice yoga.
Simple. It makes you feel better. Both of them.
Trust your gut.
And your girls. So many times I’ve fallen down a rabbit hole of unhealthy decisions and there were two constants in each of those situations. I had a bad feeling about it AND at least one of my girlfriends advised me against it. Sometimes you get so wrapped in your intention, you can’t see or hear that what you’re doing is actually detrimental to you. This is where those fearless friends with no filter come in. Listen to you intuitions and listen to those close to you, heed their words and at least if you decided to say “screw that!”, you will have had taken the time to evaluate your actions.
Confident women don’t hate.
Every young woman loves to claim “I’m not usually a jealous person BUT…” and yes, I’ve uttered those false words. But in fact, I was jealous. I was possessive and I was super insecure about my relationships. What I’ve learned by being single and getting older as a woman is that all that nonsense does not matter anymore. I want to be that woman who lifts other women up. I want to be that woman in the bathroom who stops you from walking out with toilet paper on your shoe, but in all aspects of my life. I’m constantly surrounded by strong confident beautiful women and I’m constantly ashamed I ever saw these women as completion and not allies until now. Real women encourage each other, not hate each other.
You have to laugh at yourself.
I’ve made a mess of many things in my life. I’ve thrown sandwiches (see my past article for that story), I’ve yelled on the side of street in NYC at 6am. I’ve called a guy 35 times in one night. I’ve spent all my money on clothes and I’ve moved across the country for a man. All these things have made me the individual I am today and if I can’t laugh at myself for all these silly experiences, how will I ever grow from them?
No fucks are to be given.
Be that woman who DGAF and is unapologetic about it. We’ve waste too much time worrying about what others think, how they view us or what we believe society expects from women. Love yourself and the rest will fall into place, right? I don’t know but I honestly DGAF.