How many days have you cried alone? How many times you pray to god to take away that pain questioning him why it happened to you? How many people know the pain you go through every day? How many people know how hard it is for you to forget that person whom you loved so much? How many people know the bitter truth?
It does not matter how many friends you make, how many gyms you join or how many haircuts you get, you still go to bed every night thinking where you went wrong, why did you messed up & briefing those moments where you were extremely happy and wish that when you wake up everything would be just as the same as you dreamed.
Sometimes you even convince yourself that he will see the light in you and show up at your door with that amazing smile you loved so much wanting you back. After all that you go somewhere you used to be & start torturing yourself reminding how bad you were in your relationship, trying to list up all your weakness, blaming yourself for losing everything. You just punish yourself somehow saying it was your fault.
It’s hard for you to accept the fact that he’s already gone and he’s not going to listen to your endless lame stories again, he’s not going to tolerate your madness again. If you could just tell him once how much you need him in your life, how much you love his company, how many times you just wanted him to hug you so that you will forget all your problems for a moment. How he became you best friend, partner in crime, basically the best thing ever happened to you. If you could just go back once and hold him so tight so that he will never walk away from you. If you could just tell him how much love you had for him so that he will believe you for at least once.
Let go my child, let go. Little pieces of your soul will heal.