The Heartbreaking Truth About Letting Go Of Someone Who Was Never Really Yours

woman in jean jacket
Micah H.

Nothing hurts more than being in a relationship that was all you and no them.

Every picture you take, every meal you have, every conversation you have with them doesn’t matter anymore. Because it meant nothing to them in the first place, at least not in the way you wanted it to. You used to wake up every day thinking about them, checking your phone for a message from them. That song they liked so much? You would spend hours listening to it, thinking it was all about you. You psychoanalyzed the song, looking for hours on end for that hidden meaning – that they liked you. But you were blind to the obvious; nothing they did for you was a romantic gesture at all.

Yet, you still searched.

You learned that everyone has secrets, and so did they. They knew and loved people before and after you that were not, well, you. It hurts, naturally.

But you realize that it’s okay to hurt, because even though they were never romantically interested in you, you knew that you were special to them, just not in the way you wanted it to be.

So you wake up each morning no longer thinking of them the way you want to; you become the epitome of objectivity when you speak to them, if you ever do. You decided that, yes, the pain will take time to heal and that you’re making your first step to healing that huge, gaping hole in your heart. You still cry over that tub of Ben & Jerry’s, but you also understand that distracting yourself with quality ice cream isn’t going to do it justice.

So you move on to removing their number, their social media accounts, their entire existence. You understand that now is the present moment. You’re living for yourself, not them. You understand that even though you may never have that white picket fence ending, you’re not ending up in an ugly divorce either, or whatever disappointment haunts couples.

You’re still sad and hurting. And that’s ok. Repeat after me: Hurting over a one-sided relationship is ok. You think it sounds foolish to love someone that never loved you back but the pain from it is as a real as any breakup or divorce.

And as for the one the person who broke your heart now loves? You realize that perhaps this person, too, has gone through the same heartbreak as you. And now they are happy and with the person you so desperately love. But then, you smile. You wish them happiness. You cry a bit more when you realize that this is the death of your former self.

But you also realize that this is okay, that you will get your happy ending, too, because it’s yours to create.TC mark

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