As a writer, I’ve been half-jokingly referred to by friends as “the next Carrie Bradshaw.” This is primarily based on my proclivity to analyze modern dating culture and share my shameless thoughts.
Of course, I’m fully on board with this comparison, as I personally love a good Sex and the City rerun (or 12).
While certain aspects of the show are obviously outdated, the trials and tribulations of Carrie’s dating life can still be wildly relatable.
Of course, some of Carrie’s words of wisdom have been questionable.
For instance, I would never approach her seeking financial advice. I would also avoid emulating her approach to reconnecting with exes because we’ve all experienced that second-hand cringe.
However, she’s also been on-point with several concepts, namely, the idea of focusing on yourself first and letting everything else follow.
Here are four wise words from Carrie about self-love:
“The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you that you love, well that’s just fabulous.”
A large misconception about self-love is that it requires complete solitude. Self-love isn’t about pushing everyone away. Instead, it’s about keeping them at an arm’s reach as your personal goals take front-and-center.
There’s no need to avoid the possibility of romance, but notice when it’s becoming too high of a priority.
As much as we hate the saying that “love will find you when you’re not looking,” that whole “helpless despair” vibe really isn’t doing you any favors.
Plus, relationships may give you that warm fuzzy feeling, but that flutter of self-accomplishment is also very much a thing.
“Life gives you lots of chances to screw up, which means you have just as many chances to get it right.”
We all beat ourselves up about our mistakes, it’s essentially unavoidable.
Even if we strive to be the type of person who views every mistake as a learning experience, that lingering of disappointment will often still rear its ugly head.
However, Carrie had it right when she pointed out that we’re still left with options. We have the option to mess things up all over again, or we have the option to stop, reflect, and do it right this time.
Screwing up is about more than just “learning from your mistakes,” it’s about using the situation as a time to self-reflect.
Rather than agonizing over our stupidity, we can view the mistake as an opportunity to look at the big picture.
Why did I make this decision? Was it subconsciously driven by a larger issue that I’m ignoring? How is this impacting my well-being, and how can I fix it?
When we slip up, we’re presented with more than just tantalizing anxiety, we have time. And it’s up to use this time as effectively and efficiently as possible.
“I admit it’s tempting to wish for the perfect boss, or the perfect parent, or the perfect outfit, but the best anyone of us can do is not quit. Play the hand we’ve been given, and accessorize the outfit we’ve got.”
From the unreal beach bods to the envy-worthy careers, it will always be counterproductive to obsess over what others have and we don’t.
However, even if we’re aware of this comparison trap, we may still be unknowingly engaging in some of these behaviors.
For instance, we’ll rationalize that we’re following 300+ bikini models on Instagram as “fitspo” to work harder in the gym and see results.
While that may hold true, this behavior is still a form of obsessing over what we lack. It’s simply disguised as motivation.
Instead, capitalize on what you do have. Focus on what you’re good at, and take the time to expand those skills and grow.
Wishing for things you don’t have will pull you backward, but “accessorizing” what you do have will move you forward.
“Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty sexy and you’re taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with.”
When it comes to achieving self-love, the first critical step is to know yourself.
Know what you want out of life, and how you hope to get there. Recognize when your visions are aligned and the support is intact, and recognize when a relationship isn’t serving your purpose.
Instead of worrying about what others think about your relationship status, use that energy to learn about yourself first.
There’s no harm in taking your time because rushing a relationship is never the answer.
After all, we all know what happened with Charlotte and Trey.