It’s easy to tell a friend to move on from a situation that no longer serves them. However, when it’s you that needs that little push, it’s not so simple.
We cling to dead-end relationships for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it’s a matter of loneliness, and the companionship offers a temporary boost in self-esteem. Other times, it’s because we’re convinced that we’re “unlucky in love”, and this person is essentially our safety net for when other prospects inevitably go awry.
Regardless of what the reasons may be, it goes beyond being stubborn or simply not thinking things through. Here’s why we often let people linger and accordingly stick around ourselves:
1. It’s comfortable.
You know the importance of escaping your comfort zone, but you rarely act on it – especially when it comes to matters of the heart.
You get along really well with this person, have similar interests, and just generally enjoy being together. It doesn’t seem like there should be a reason to end it, right?
Wrong. Usually we ignore the obvious large-scale reasons, because we crave that sense of comfort and stability. We’re scared we’ll cut ties and regret it, and that we won’t establish just as strong of a connection with somebody else.
We don’t always think logically in situations like these – and with good reason. If it was easy to zap our emotions away and act strictly based on reason, we would all do it.
2. You think that it’s a “sign” that the universe keeps bringing you back together.
You usually relish in mocking characters like Gigi in “He’s Just Not That Into You” for their naivety, but in this case you’re embodying those exact characteristics.
Although the circumstantial issues constantly interfere, you attempt to silence them and tell yourself that this person keeps appearing in your life for a reason.
Unfortunately, that’s not the way it works. People stay in our lives because we let them. Until you fully remove them (and not the half-ass way you’ve been doing thus far), they will always be within your grasp. You’ll thrive on that “I miss you” text, and push the problematic stuff aside.
If you’re going to follow “signs of the universe”, what about the sign that it’s never truly worked out with this person for a reason? You are stuck in a never-ending cycle of happiness to arguments to disassociation – and nothing gets resolved in the end.
That ambiguity always lingers, because neither of you know how to solve it – or even if you truly want to. In reality, the sad truth is that it’s beyond being saved.
3. You’re smart enough to know that it won’t work, but you’re still chasing that glimmer of hope that it will.
It may be true that “what’s meant to be will be”, but this situation is just really, really not.
Somehow, you’re still hoping for the fairytale. You want to beat the odds and prove that your relationship can prosper through all of the obstacles.
It’s important to work hard to maintain a happy relationship, but it’s just as important to accept that sometimes you’re fighting a lost battle.
Sometimes people are nice to have around, but just don’t fit in with your long-term goals. Living different lives may have been exciting in the past, but the complications will creep up on you.
It’s nobody’s fault, and there’s no easy solution. However, the worst thing to do is to look back on your time together as time wasted. It meant a lot to you at the time, and it probably always will.
You’re not stupid for falling for it, or careless for dragging a relationship out longer than it necessarily should have. Most importantly, you’re not delusional for thinking it would work itself out in the end.
What you felt was very real – but eventually, you’ll have to be just as real with yourself.