5 Things That Happen When You Seem Like The Sweet Girl But Are Secretly Cynical As Hell

There are many women out there who pride themselves on always “telling it like it is” or being a self-proclaimed “bad bitch” (Trust me – most of the time, you’re just a bitch.)

However, what happens when everyone thinks that you’re an insanely nice person (which to be fair, you are – most of the time), but your mind is consistently swarming with sarcastic thoughts that you wish you had the confidence to say out loud?

Here are 5 things that happen when you’re perceived as a sweetheart, but you’re secretly kind of an asshole:

1. You are the queen of passive aggressive quick texts such as “Lol, “nice”, and “that’s cool.”

Truth be told, you couldn’t give less of a sh*t about what he is saying. However, you feel too bad to just blatantly ignore or “ghost” the guy, so you pretend you’re at least somewhat interested while hoping that he eventually gets the hint.

Sooner or later, you will probably receive some kind of text like “am I bothering you or something? haha” to which you realize you need to step it up a notch, so maybe throw in some emojis or something. No wink faces or anything sexually suggestive though – that will be taking things way too far in the opposite direction.

2. Your friends always come to you for advice, because they know you won’t sugar coat things – without being way too brutally honest.

Essentially, you provide the perfect amount of honest advice. You will tell your friends the sad truth they need to hear – but still make it clear that they are the one who’s better off. For example: “Honestly, he’s an dick and he doesn’t care about you. You don’t want to be with a guy like that anyway. *Insert judgmental comment about his job, clothes, weird annoying habit, etc.*”

3. You can’t say no to favors, but those people will remain on your sh*t list until further notice.

People know that you won’t refuse taking on extra work, or give any sort of attitude when they unexpectedly request your services. Although you smile and agree, you will be less than pleased when these favors become more and more frequent and you realize you’re kind of being a pushover.

However, since you’re too terrified to stand up for yourself, you’ll probably just sit back and begrudgingly take it. However, best believe that you are mentally taking notes of these instances. Once you ask that same person for something and their response is that they are just “sooo busy, sorry!”, there will be hell to pay – in form of an angry subtweet, rather than actually confronting the person (You also probably check the tweet multiple times to make sure it’s not too obvious that it’s about them.)

4. Sometimes you will accidentally blurt out an offensive comment, temporarily revealing your true identity.

This usually happens after one too many vodka sodas. Your co-workers will be like, “Damn!’ because truthfully, the comment wasn’t even that terrible – but it was shocking coming from your innocent mouth. You will panic momentarily and quickly cover it up by saying something like “No, that came out wrong – I just meant blah blah blah” so it doesn’t sound just as bad. Of course, you whole-heartedly meant what you said the first time – but nobody else can know that.

5. One of your favorite hobbies is making fun of people on social media.

You could never dream of unfriending any of these people, or even blocking them from your newsfeed. It’s just too funny to watch them post about what they ate for lunch, or a long rant about how they are “SO done with everything and everyone – #cuttingyouoff #doingme”. Although these updates should really not be shared with others, you’re secretly glad that they are so you can share them with your friends and laugh about it.

While doing this, you might have a realization that someone could easily be doing the same thing while looking at your profile (Hand on the left hip in every single photo? That’s clearly her only good side.) However, you are okay with this – because if you’re an undercover asshole, you can’t be mad that there are many others out there just like you.