1. You’ve experienced the bittersweet feeling of being called “low-maintenance.”
You appreciate the fact that you don’t seem demanding or materialistic, but you also can’t help but wonder – Does that mean that people think you don’t care much about your appearance? Considering that you watched 3 hours of makeup tutorials last weekend, this is a little concerning. The next time your boyfriend makes a well-intentioned remark such as, “I love that you don’t care too much about makeup and things like that”, you respond by hurling your new eye shadow palette at him. He might as well have called you fat.
2. When you laugh at yourself, you’re screaming on the inside.
So you had one too many tequila shots last night, and were incapable of forming coherent sentences. Viewing your debauchery on Snapchat this morning was humorous – at first. However, it’s 7 pm on Sunday – and your usual anxiety coupled with your crippling hangover is starting to take full effect. You’re responding “LOL I’m a mess” in your group chat, but you’d really appreciate it if they would stop reminding you of it. How come “if you don’t remember it, it never happened” can be applied to that time your BFF hooked up with a minor (“He said he was 18!”), but it can’t be applied to you pole dancing when “Trap Queen” came on? This is bullshit!
3. You’re no stranger to that uneasy feeling when somebody finds out about any of your weird rituals.
To you, the only thing worse than not being perfect is having your perfectionism exposed. Even though you’re a huge fan of to-do lists and having a daily routine,you also don’t want to seem psychotic. When you slip up by showing this orderly side of you, you panic that people aren’t going to like the “real” you. The more you try to convince yourself that you’re just organized and not crazy, the more bat shit insane you start to feel.
4. You often claim you have no preference, when you absolutely do.
You don’t want to seem picky when choosing a place to order lunch at work, so you respond with your usual “Doesn’t matter to me!” In reality, you have all of the menus from any potential restaurants pulled up on your computer. Once the restaurant is chosen, it’s time to choose the item you would hate the least. Your inbox is overflowing with pressing requests and deadline reminders, and you’ve never been more focused – on whether to get the wedged or chopped salad.
5. You cover your emotions up with sarcasm, and it works – usually.
Boy troubles present a perfect opportunity to make snide comments and remind yourself of how funny you are. Although you are genuinely upset, there is no way you’re letting that show. Your friend will make a comment like “I wish I could be like you in relationships. You never let anything get to you.” The truth is, it is definitely getting to you – you’re just channeling the sadness into cynicism. You know that you should allow yourself to be more vulnerable, but this is the only way you know how to deal with things – and it’s probably not going to change soon.
So to all of you that are frequently called “chill” when you are actually the polar opposite, I feel you. Let’s hope that one day we can learn to be as laid-back as people think we are