8 Things I’ve Lost In My Twenties That Prove I’m Doing It Wrong
By Sara Spizale
Albert Einstein once said “If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enough.” But… I can’t explain anything well. Not how I feel, not what I want out of life, not even what I want on my Chipotle burrito. Just kidding, of course I know what I want on my Chipotle burrito you animal. So all of this made me think…am I doing something wrong? Can one “do life” wrong?
Because if it’s possible to mess “life” up, then leave it to me, sistah.
Recently I wrote an article about things I learned in my 20s. It seems everyone is doing that these days. Due to my belief that I may be doing ‘life’ wrong I see it only fitting to now write a list of things I have lost in my 20’s.
1. My dignity. In pretty much every way possible. For example, I cooked bacon in my underwear this summer because I lived in an apartment where I couldn’t afford air conditioning. I also sometimes use paper as a plate. So.
2. My phone, my shoes, socks, purse, credit card, pants (idk) and other items at various drinking establishments.
3. A few jobs here and there. Apparently you can’t take a jar of pickles in the back and eat the whole thing because that is called ‘stealing’. Also – this concept extends to peanut butter. You can’t do that either.
4. I lost my will to be curious about myself. I don’t want to know anything that goes on inside this head of mine. Seriously. When I was driving yesterday I thought about how funny it would be take my roommate, set her in a chocolate pudding pool and time how fast it would take her to swim race against my 10 pound dog Barb.
5. My legitimacy. I have a menacing ability to manipulate and exaggerate things not worth exaggerating. Like how today I told my roommates I got hit by a car. But I really just got nudged by a car. So what I mean is that I slipped on ice and bumped into a parked car.
6. The normal functioning ability of my liver. Turns out binge drinking causes health problems long term. Who knew?!
7. …I did. I knew.
8. The pride I had from skipping the 1st grade. Because that really just means I thought Benjamin Franklin was a president, turned 21 last, and assumed it was acceptable to tell your teacher you have smallpox without repercussions.
So, I think the verdict is that there isn’t just one right way to do “life.” There are just a lot of wrong ways. So be yourself, except a little better, and you should be just fine.