What It Means To ‘Define A Relationship’

Shutterstock / Poprotskiy Alexey
Shutterstock / Poprotskiy Alexey

The atmosphere surrounding us pulls out the emotions buried within. And as they seep from our pores, they mingle together, tightly wound. No matter how hard we try, we find ourselves here, an arms length away, just waiting.

In the world of relationships, what exactly defines “relationship”? For some, there are many different types. For others, a certain checklist obtained and words of closure. For me, it’s a combination of many pieces swirled together to create a mutual understanding. For him, well I don’t think he ever knew.

Recently, it was discovered that a relationship, for him, is defined by physical interactions neglecting all the other stuff that make it work. And because the physical stuff is restrained we are, therefore, no longer in a relationship. I promptly corrected him stating that sex isn’t the gateway to a relationship; he could have sex with as many girls as he wants, but the bottom line is he is emotionally committed to me. As long as that renders true, he will always be in more of a relationship with me than the slew of random girls.

Emotionally dating is what I called it. Grey area. The in between. A break. You get the gist. It goes to show that even when the difficult to obtain emotional necessities are very much alive and well, it can’t make a man commit.

I proposed a hypothetical and extreme situation: suppose he was with another woman, and simultaneously I entered a crisis mode for some unknown reason and I managed to interrupt his fun to ask for his assistance (because, after all, we’re emotionally dating, and this is something emotionally dating people ask of each other), would he leave her (I’m sure she’s a nice lady) to aid me? He simply says, “Obviously.” Thus proving my case, but case not closed.

Maybe I should take a step back. We have been on and off going on three years. We always gravitate towards each other, even when there are other people in the mix. So, what’s the problem? Well, commitment is a huge issue. With life happening, I just cause distraction. Okay, understandable, but I don’t want to hear “Well, I might hookup with other girls”. Let me tell you, they will cause more drama than just sticking with me, but hey, he’s a free man.

All this aside, it still leaves us emotionally dating and consequently committed, to an extent. Thus presenting argument number two: he’s committed subconsciously. He doesn’t see it, or refuses to see it, but it’s true. Sex can happen without a relationship, but emotions cannot. He would drop everything for me, so dating should be no problem, you would think. But it still remains the most terrifying thing in the world apparently. Rationalizing his stance proves to be impossible and quite time consuming and stressful, to say the least. I gave up.

For the sake of a possible future, I remain at a comfortable distance, but not too close. I shouldn’t because I could fair off much better elsewhere; however this has become so chaotic it just has to work out. No, I am not waiting, but until emotions dissolve I feel a slight obligation. Frustration boils whenever he tries to deny my logic and reasoning, which has all been carefully thought out and presented. But until he accepts or refutes my claims indefinitely, the case remains unsolved.

Unbeknownst to us, a simple relationship mutated into something unrecognizable. There is no label. Still, love sparks, igniting the fire that has burned for the past three years. So, will you allow it to consume or smother it and watch everything dissipate with the smoke? Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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