An Open Letter To Myself For When I Fall Down Again (And I Know I Will)
By Sara Laila
Dear You,
You are so young and beautiful. You are so strong and independent. You are kind and you are loving. You are an amazing friend and sister and daughter. All of the lives you’ve touched, you’ve permanently changed for the better. How do I know? Your mother tells you how much she needs her princess and your father tells you every day how beautiful you are and your baby sister tells you there’s nobody else in this universe she would rather take on the world with and your friends, baby girl, your friends love you to the moon and back. They could not imagine a life where their Sariana is not in it.
I have never met anyone willing to do more for those she loves than you. Sometimes I think that may be the reason for all of the times you’ve been hurt; you give and give and everyone just takes and takes and it’s draining. Your resilience through the struggles you face is astounding. I know how it’s exhausting. Trust me, I know how shattering it is; to feel like the world keeps shoving you to the ground when all you want to do is stay standing.
But I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to be a little wobbly at times. It’s okay to trip and yes, it’s also okay to fall. It’s okay to tumble and crumble and stay on the ground for a while. It’s okay to scream and cry it out. It’s okay to have those days where you just want to be sad and overthink. It’s okay if you don’t respond to people for a few days just so you can get your head clear.
But don’t you ever give up. Keep giving. Keep loving. Keep smiling. Keep pulling through. Keep getting back up. Keep being kind. Do not give up. I need you. Remember a few months ago when you were so heartbroken you could not even get yourself out of bed? When you were so heartbroken where you felt it difficult to breathe because of how damaged you felt? Remember almost four months ago when you had to put in so much effort to smile and pretend to be happy in front of everyone?
Remember how every time he knocked you down to the ground, you got right back up and tread through the rough of it? Every single day. Every single day, you beautiful soul. You told me you would not let this ruin you. You told me you would not let this destroy you. And you were right. You did not let it destroy you; you’ve only let it make you tougher. I’ve never seen anyone try as hard as you. I’ve never seen anyone set their mind to something so vigorously and powerfully and achieve it. And it’s okay to have your low days. But I’m here to remind you that you’ve come so far and accomplished so much. In just a few months you’ve become an enhanced and more beautiful version of yourself; your soul has been cleansed and rid of all of the dirt and filth that had taken over.
Your smile and your kindness is what will keep you going through the jagged moments. Don’t let anyone take that away from you. You will only get better from here.
I love you and am so proud of you. And I will be here to pick you up every time you fall down.
There is only one person we can truly count on in this world, and that is yourself. You have me. And I have you. We will get through this, we always do.