This Is How You Forget Her

Daria Nepriakhina

Forgetting her will be a piece of cake because there’s nothing to remember.

You didn’t care about her nearly as much as she thought you did anyways, right?

The little things she used to do never stitched themselves in your memory.

The way her hands drew pictures in the sky whenever she was nervous. The way they were unsure of just about everything, except you. The way she rambled on and on just so you could kiss her mid-way. The way her mouth tensed every time you brought up her past. The way her eyes told you everything her voice couldn’t.

The way her skin found any excuse to get just a bit closer. The way she’d laugh it off whenever you’d notice. The grin that spread across the universe when your fingers found hers. The way her teeth found solace on her lip and then on yours.

The calendar in your brain is full of empty days.

You don’t have the picture of the very first time you met her burned in your mind. You never took the time to find rhythm in the way her lashes fluttered up and down from your eyes to your lips.

You don’t think about that time you caught her looking at you from across the room like she could somehow see the real you.

Or how about that night you swore she’d changed your mind? You don’t remember the words that rolled off your tongue and spilled on to hers like they were always meant to be there. And what were the clouds doing when pictures of a future flashed before your eyes?

Maybe the days you went home and listened to anything that reminded you of her never happened. I guess the lyrics of her voice were ones you never took the time to memorize. Five years down the line, when you’re in the car and your song comes on, you’ll change the station. And when your girlfriend in the passenger seat tells you she loves it and changes it back, you won’t be able to remember a single line, right?

Your map is marked with roads you don’t know how to get to.

Like the one you turn right on to get to her house. Or the ones you spent hours walking up and down on. The ones her eyes lit up every time the sun morphed into the moon. Or the ones she made you want to venture on to with not a single sign in sight. There’s no “X” that marks the spot. No place you have to take the long way around to avoid running into her ghost. No restaurant table that makes you ask the waiter for another. No tree carved with her name. No lake that will make you see the reflection of her face in any other girl you bring. No staircase that will make you take the elevator. No door on her body that you still have the key to.

There’s a box in your room full of all the things she gave you.

But don’t worry, it’s not full of every time she made you smile or every joke that made you laugh. It isn’t overflowing with every second she spent trying to make you see the beauty within you.

There are no books full of secrets collecting dust on your shelves. No words you wish you would have said.  No pictures on your phone that you still keep. No pieces of her heart that you’re trying to hold on to.

So, forget her.

Forget her name, her birthday, her favourite colour and everything you and her “never” had. Forget her the way you brush it off with your friends. Forget her the way you forgot to be there when she needed you. Forget her the way you forgot to call for days. Forget her the way you forgot to show her you actually cared. Forget her the way you forgot to fight for her or swallow your pride. Forget her the way you’ve convinced her you already have.

Because forgetting her will be the easy part;

it’s remembering that you don’t want to that will be the memory to tear you in half. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Finding my truth one word (and coffee) at a time.

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