It wasn’t your fault for falling a bit harder than you expected to. It wasn’t your fault because you never thought you’d end up caring about them as much as you did-as much as you still do. But something about their eyes changed everything. Something in the way looking at them was like looking into the future you always wanted but never thought you deserved. Something in the way they shined like mirrors that showed you the beauty you could never see in you.
It wasn’t your fault for letting your guard down. It wasn’t your fault because whether it was with them or someone else, you were going to open up your heart eventually. Because something about those lips made the words slip right from yours. It wasn’t long before you told them how looking up at the stars at night is the only time you don’t feel alone. And how did you manage to tell them things about your past that nobody else even knows?
It wasn’t your fault for thinking that things could have turned into something real. It wasn’t your fault because believing in love doesn’t make you naive or weak, it means you have more courage than you’ll ever know. You shouldn’t feel bad for ‘misinterpreting’ those nights that felt like they came straight out of a movie. It wasn’t your fault because everything felt so much like home.
It wasn’t your fault for taking a chance on them, even when your friends warned you to stay away. It wasn’t your fault because following your heart instead of your mind doesn’t make you stupid, it makes you human. And maybe the signs were all there from the start, maybe they have every right to say “I told you so”, but you have to stop beating yourself up because not every decision you make in life has to be the ‘right’ one. You’re allowed to take risks on things that don’t necessarily make sense, you’re allowed to let yourself live and grow.
It wasn’t your fault for going with the flow even though you wanted so much more. It wasn’t your fault because he told you he loved you, and where you come from, people stay true to their words. You thought you could change his mind eventually, you believed that true love would be enough to make it through. So you swallowed your feelings to make him happy, because isn’t that what society has taught you to do?
It wasn’t your fault for putting up with all the unanswered messages and sporadic late night texts. It wasn’t your fault because every time you realized you deserved better than his games, he swooped right back into your life and made you feel like nothing had changed. Deep down, you knew your worth, but you thought he was worth it too. So despite every fuck up, you still continued to fight for him, because that’s just what you do. You see the good in everyone before the bad. Where people see evil, you see a lost soul. And even though things may not have worked out, don’t let one person take away that part of your heart, because trust me when I say the world needs more people like you.
It wasn’t your fault for sticking around even when he started to pull away. It wasn’t your fault because ‘almost’ has this crazy way of making you hold on to hope. You stayed up at night waiting for those texts that never came through. You found every excuse to message them because isn’t being left on read your favourite thing to do? You still woke up the next morning with a smile on your face, because maybe this would be the day he’d finally call. And even though he never did, a part of you still wants him to.
It wasn’t your fault for having all of these feelings for someone that was never yours. It wasn’t your fault because love doesn’t need a label to grow. You feel like a complete idiot for letting him get to you, for putting so much of yourself into someone whose name you didn’t even know months ago. But, maybe it’s just the cycle of life. Maybe strangers turn to lovers just to turn to strangers once again, to teach us that when the right person comes around, we better not let go. It wasn’t your fault for thinking that person was him; it isn’t your fault that you still do.
It isn’t your fault for not being able to let go. It isn’t your fault because you were never in a relationship with them, but they still meant something to you. You can’t blame yourself for not being able to say goodbye to someone you still want in your life. It’s okay to care. It’s okay to want them back. It’s okay to feel everything you’re feeling because it’s the only way to let your heart heal.
It isn’t your fault for adding them to your list of ‘almosts’. It isn’t your fault because maybe each and every one is leading you on the path to finding your ‘always’.
I know you’re hurting, but you need to know that none of this was your fault, because none of this was a mistake.
Maybe it was a blessing in disguise.
Maybe they’re right when they say everything happens for a reason.
Maybe he needed to come into your life to remind you what it means to feel alive.
Maybe he was a lesson you needed to learn.
Maybe someone up above sent them your way to teach you that even what ifs and almosts can leave a mark on your heart- that not every story has to have a beginning, middle and end.
Maybe it wasn’t your fault because you can’t be blamed for something that was never meant to be.