Thank you for believing in me before I was even born. For taking a chance on me when no one else would. For sacrificing your entire life in order to give me mine.
Thank you for looking like a beluga whale for nine months. For giving up wine and coffee to make sure I came out okay. For putting up with morning sickness and contractions that must’ve hurt like hell. For shoving a rather heavy human out of your vagina, you champ.
Thank you for saying I looked beautiful when you first held me in your arms, although we all know I looked like a distorted potato. For still calling me beautiful to this day, even though not much has changed.
Thank you for every sleepless night brought to you by yours truly. For having to put up with my annoying screeches and ugly crying face that you still see me make.
Thank you for pretending I made sense when I could barely make a sound. For talking back to me in that silly baby voice of yours, as if that would have somehow helped me better understand you, even when no one else was around.
Thank you for spending your whole life savings on hypoallergenic Huggies, because everything else gave me a rash. For putting up with my shit, both then and now, and for every diaper change that didn’t necessarily go as planned.
Thank you for playing that NSYNC album before bed every night. For making sure I got a head start on my naughty dreams of Justin Timberlake that we all know I’ll continue to have for a lifetime.
Thank you for taking embarrassing naked pictures of me in the crib, in the bathtub and pretty much everywhere else I strutted my birthday suit. For preparing me for what to expect in the real world and for telling me not to waste my time with any fuckboy to shoot me a text that read “send nudes”.
Thank you for watching every awful cartoon on TV with me. For holding back the urge to smash your head into a wall every time you had to hear “I love you, you love me…”
Thank you for always being someone I could run to whenever I got scared. For holding my hand the first day of school every year and reassuring me that everything would always be okay.
Thank you for saying you loved every piece of “artwork” I brought home and pretending I was some sort of reincarnation of Picasso. For not laughing when my drawings of cherries looked a little too much like something else.
Thank you for letting me be myself no matter what. For allowing me to publicly humiliate myself with my fashion choices, especially when I thought I could make my own clothes and somehow look hot (spoiler alert: I didn’t).
Thank you for showing up to the occasional school event and my grade 8 graduation. For cheering like an idiot when I went up to get my “diploma”, as if I had just graduated summa cum laude from Yale.
Thank you for always being the overbearing mom that had to make sure there was a ton of snacks for when my friends came over. For being there whenever they didn’t show up and for all those times you were the only friend I truly had.
Thank you for being the hot mom that gets hit on way more than I ever have. For saying thank you whenever a guy friend called you a “milf” and you had no idea what it meant.
Thank you for letting me steal your entire wardrobe, piece by piece. For every shirt I put holes in, spilt coffee on or “promised” to give you back in no more than a week.
Thank you for letting me vent over coffees and sometimes something stronger, every time I want to cry. For giving me the advice I need, instead of the advice I want, and teaching me to go after whatever feels right.
Thank you for being always being my #1 frequently contacted on my phone. For sending me the cutest “good morning” texts with a hundred emojis that always put a smile on my face- seriously guys, you should take some notes.
Thank you for road trips that I wish could last forever. For being the only person who listens to music louder than I do and for correcting me that one time I told you Drake was coming out with a new album and you said, “actually, he’d prefer if you called it a mixtape instead”.
Thank you for teaching me how to be a strong, independent woman that works for what she wants. For inspiring me take no shit from any man and to always stay true to who I am.
Thank you for showing me what it means to be selfless. For showering me with unconditional love. For being everything I could have ever asked for and most importantly, for showing me exactly the type of woman I can only wish to become.