This is why you feel stuck and alone.
Because as soon as you think you’re content with being alone, someone enters your life and clouds your mind with hopeful thoughts. You get hopeful fast. Because it’s been so long since you last looked someone in the eyes with desire. You’ve been listening to sappy songs about lost love, and writing poems about occurrences you wish to come true. So that’s why when someone takes your hand with their eyes, your brain becomes the very ground beneath their feet. And they’ll walk until every inch is an embedded footprint.
But the thing is, they never physically took your hand. They never will. It doesn’t matter how many nights you go to sleep with aching thoughts of them, it just won’t make any of it happen. Because even when you feel certain that one day they will grab hold of your heart and place it next to theirs, you’re wrong. If you’re doubting their honesty, then their heart was never meant to be placed anywhere near yours. It was only ever meant to be seen with your eyes.
You start to blame everyone around you, because how could caring too much possibly let this happen repeatedly? Well that’s just it, you have to stop caring. As soon as you meet someone, instead of letting them tear down that wall of confidence you’ve been constructing ever since the last guy stopped coming around, make them fight through it. Don’t let your eyes tell you that they’re the one, let your heart. And only let them extend their heart to yours until they are captured by your own.
When you stop going to bed thinking about whether someone is thinking of you, that’s when you know they won’t be leaving. Because doubt is gone, because your brain is at ease and because you’re going to bed without flawed visions of happiness. You catch yourself waking up to a constant state of assurance that they will stay by your side. And if you can’t honestly say that this is how you feel, then they’ll probably be gone within the next week. And you’ll probably be back in bed overthinking all the things you could have done differently to make them want you just as much.
So maybe it’s time you face the honest truth: you were giving a shit way too much. You weren’t screwed over- you were blinded. Because unfortunately that’s the kind of power people we care about have. They have the power to walk away. And I know it’s never easy to watch it happen. It’s sort of like we want to grab their arm and somehow change their mind. Heck, you’d use your last breath to compose useless words of desperation. But it never worked then and it certainly won’t work now. So from now on, let them go.