You were born just a year after me and we were raised by the same parents. We used to live in the same house and we went to the same middle school. We almost had the same teachers and we learn the same lessons. We ate the same food and we played with the same cousins. But the fifteen years that we’ve been together were full of unsettled quarrels and childhood misunderstandings to the extent of inflicting physical pains. We were never brought up close to each other and as much as we want to put the blame on our parents for the way we were raised, things that happened in the past can never be changed.
I wanted to tell that I regretted not being there for you during those times that you probably needed me. Those times that I immediately ditched you in the corridors whenever we arrived in school and never talk to you the entire time we were in that same middle school. How I wish we had the chance to talk about our teachers and our classmates and how I wish I was able to help you with your assignments and lessons.
I wanted to tell you how guilty I am when I left you when you had a stomachache and turned out you had to be brought to the hospital to have your appendix removed. How I wish I was there on your side when the doctors had you operated at the young age of eight. How I wish I was able to whisper comforting words and able to tell you that things will turn out just fine, that you just have to sleep and everything will be all right that moment you wake up.
I wanted to tell you how I wanted to go back to those times when we went to our first carnival and ride on the same rides with you instead with my friends. How I wish I was beside you when you had your first Ferries wheel ride and share the same feeling of anxiety and dizziness. How I wish we rode on the same horse and feel the excitement of going up and down while holding each other. How I wish we watched that same mermaid show and decide later on that everything was fake and that we were being fooled and just laugh about it.
I wanted to tell you that we could have defended each other every time our parents scolded us and punish us for our misbehaviors. How I wish I was able to protect you when you had to be reprimanded for getting low grades and not being able to read fast. How I wish you were also there for me when I had to be ‘belted’ and kneel on salt for my mischiefs.
I wanted to tell you that I should have known you deeper and better. That it would have been better if we went to the same high school instead of you being sent to the public school and me to the private one for the belief that I was more intelligent. I wish I was able to convince our parents that it was unfair for you and I wish I was able to disagree with them that you were bad in academics.
My dear sister, I wanted to tell you that even though we were never close to each other and that even though things between us have not been easy, as your elder brother I am willing to protect you and support you in all your endeavors. I wanted to tell you that I wish you will be able to establish your own family and raise your kids better than we were raised. I wanted to tell you that despite our differences, we have the same blood that flows in our veins and that we are still siblings no matter what and that we should always be there for each other. I wanted to tell you that I wanted to hang out with you, shop with you, dine with you, travel with you, things that we haven’t done yet. I wanted to tell you that I will always be your brother, the uncle to your future kids. I wanted to tell you that I wish when we have our own families already, we will be neighbors and our kids will be playmates and schoolmates. I wanted to tell you that we have to raise our kids better, better than the way we were raised.
My dear sister, I wanted to tell you how much I love and care for you though I never told you this yet. I hope you also still care for me, despite my shortcomings as your elder brother.
My dear sister, I am 23 you are 21, we can still work on this.