Why Skype Sex Is A Bad Idea

It’s not sex. There is no touching, no kissing, no actual, physical contact with the other person. “Skype sex” by definition is essentially masturbation that happens to occur in front of a web cam. What would Steve Jobs say? Probably something like, “This is not what I spent my life’s genius trying to achieve. Turn off your computer and go sleep with someone you actually care about.”

It will be awkward. No matter how sexy and put together you think you are, you are going to make a clumsy move or find some way to feel awkward. Does anyone ever actually like the way they look on Skype, in that little box peering around trying to meet their own frantic gaze? You always end up looking poorly lit, washed out, and like you have three chins. It’s even worse keeping tabs on how you look while you’re trying to get off. And where do you put the camera? On your face? On your…? I don’t know which is worse. And the awkward silences — they happen, and they’re bad. At least during real sex, you can breathe heavily and act like you’re into it, even of you aren’t. It’s just embarrassing trying to breath heavily while you’re touching yourself and looking into a web cam — you end up feeling like the star of a cheap porno. I have second-hand awkwardness just thinking about it.

It’s difficult — physically. Okay, for guys, maybe this isn’t an issue. Guys could get it done in the middle of a tsunami. But for girls, it takes a bit more work. Having an orgasm is that much harder when you’re doing it in front of a camera while someone’s staring at you. There’s way too much to think about, and it can be hard to concentrate.

It’s difficult — technically. You’re really into the moment, and the connection drops. You have to turn off the vibrator, redial each other on Skype, readjust the webcam and make sure it’s in the right position before you can continue again. No one needs that kind of interruption. It’s worse when the screen freezes. There are certain positions that nobody needs to get stuck in. Technology was never meant to improve sex.

Dirty talk. Unless you’ve had half a bottle of tequila, dirty talk is already awkward. And dirty talk + Skype = extreme awkwardness. You think it will help fill the silence and boost the mood, so you end up doing it, but no one can get away with talking dirty over video chat. It just sounds… bad. It’s just bad.

Lack of intimacy. There is no intimacy involved in Skype sex. The whole affair is based on the primal act of getting some — you both know why you turned on the computer. And afterward, there’s no cuddling, no spooning, no soft kisses that say “Even though we just did it like animals I still care about you.” Nope, none of that. Just an uncomfortable sign off before you both go to bed alone.

It becomes harder to say no. After awhile, you may find yourself in your room three nights a week, alone and naked on the computer. You get tricked into thinking your sexual needs are fulfilled, when in reality you’re missing out on all the great, real sex there is to be had. With great people, some of which have the potential to make you a whole lot happier than the person on the screen. After all, there’s a reason that person isn’t in bed next to you. Don’t forget it. TC mark

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  • Guest

    This post sucked, except the last line. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

      You mean the part where you get to the final period?



  • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

    Why writing about Skype sex is a worse idea…

  • Ellen

    I’ve just started a long distance relationship and I really don’t know what to do? I mean I really really want to have sex but I won’t see him til the end of January, and after that not until maybe July. Uggggh. This is the worst idea. Why do feelings exist. Also actual sex with this guy is some of the best I’ve ever had? So skype sex might be necessary to keep myself sane, since I really just don’t want anyone else.

    • Surrr

      Skype sex is how me and my fiancee are keeping up our love life (he’s in school in another state for another six years, my career is tying me to our hometown for now). It’s a little strange at first, and I do agree with the author of this post that it just isn’t the same as actually holding each other. But if you think it could work for you, you could try it or maybe try phone-sex first to see if you can be comfortable with it.

  • Asdf

    Saturday morning filler. Oh yeah! The list is also missing the ease in which it may be recorded and redistributed across the intertubes.

  • Adrienne

    Yeah, the reason would be because he is off fighting for our country, not that he doesn’t love me! :P But I still don’t believe in Cyber Cam Sex. Blegh 

  • Anonymous

    I completely agree. Skype as a sexual release is sub-par. Being vulnerable and laying in bed with someone isn’t the same as using webcams to share genitalia.

    • surr

      Cool. I’m going to quit my career and/or tell my fiancee to drop out of his pre-med program because we have to be in different states for a couple of years. Thank you, you are understanding and helpful.

      • Anonymous

        I’m not insinuating that technology and sex don’t mix. Of course they go perfectly fine together under less than ideal circumstances, such as long-distance relationships, but by no means do I think Skype sex completely replaces the sensation and feelings that go along with being with someone in the flesh. No need to get all defensive and sarcastic.

      • Anonymous

        P.S. Just wanted to add that not everyone comments on something to be “understanding” or “helpful”. Don’t assume that everyone’s always on your side, especially with an entitled attitude like that.

  • Surr

    Whoever typed this has never been in a long distance relationship.

    • Anonymous

      long distance relationships should not exist. they never work. period.

      • surr

        thx bro glad we cleared that up.

      • Alyssa

        haha LIES

  • Tom

    It sounds like you would be really terrible in bed.

  • Corcordium

    I just got out of a long distance relationship and I wish I’d had more Skype sex.

  • Stefan

    pretty sure if you don’t like skype sex it’s your problem, not technology’s.

    some people do it for long distance relationships, some do it because they like to cyber, etc. so just UGH. don’t have it ever again! problem solved and you can stop complaining.

  • meh

    Sounds like the author is a little bit inhibited with herself. It’s not really a big deal, it can be sort of fun and if your boyfriend is like mine, he definitely finds it sexy to see that a girl can get herself off. also, masturbation isn’t that hard.

    • surr

      This entire post just comes off as incredibly dismissive and shitty. I was hoping for something written by someone else in a long-term relationship when I clicked the link, but instead I get this person who a) appears to think that people only use skype for anonymous sex and b) apparently can’t get herself off.

    • http://www.nosexcity.com NoSexCity

      Different strokes for different folks.

      I can back that.

  • http://www.nicholeexplainsitall.com EarthToNichole

    Not exactly Skype sex related, but once I was Skyping with my (then) long distance boyfriend and I held up the 40 pack of condoms I bought for our upcoming visit. Just then, his 5 year old nephew appeared behind him and asked what was in the box. Awkward.

  • spinflux

    Another reason is because screencasts are easy now, and you only need quicktime installed to do them. Some people might save it for future vindictiveness. 

    • comeonson

      People WILL save them. Don’t be naive, you guys. COME ON.

  • Henry

    You seem to be comparing Skype sex to actual sex. Obviously, the two are extremely different.

    But I have had plenty of video chat “sex” with my girlfriend, and we enjoy it. Too bad for you if you don’t feel comfortable enough with your skype sex partner to perform in front of them and get each other off. 

  • Anonymous

    S0– just to clarify the original title of this article was “Why Skype Sex With an Ex is a Bad Idea” and my lovely and talented friend submitted it to thought catalog with the intention of posting a piece that reflects on experiencing lost emotions over the internet.  I love thought catalog just as much as the next person, but I have to say I’m a bit sad they took out this very salient point.  

  • Diana

    haha, if I had  nickle for all the relationship books i’ve read that advise you to take spice up the relationship with cyber sex(on skype). great article, i’m glad somebody breached this matter, there aresome things you just can’t replace.

  • asfd

    The “Dirty Talk” and “Lack of Intimacy” things only apply if you are doing it with shitty people, really.

    • Los Angeles - Chicago


  • Marbles

    Your boyfriend has screen shots of your vagina… that he will keep forever… even after you break up… 

    • Anonymous

      I think you have lost your marbles, marbles. Just because you download pictures of vaginas from the internet, ironically file them away in a folder called “Jamaica pics” and pretend they are ex-lovers does not mean this author’s mate does the same. 

      • Marbles

        haha I was saying my exboyfriend had screen shots of me… They are probabaly in a folder called Jamaica pics…troubling

    • http://www.nosexcity.com NoSexCity

      Trust me, any girl you’ve wanked it for did the same damn thing.

  • Anonymous

    Speak for yourself. Also, Skype isn’t part of Steve Jobs’ “life’s genius.” I think you meant the Apple laptop you’re using.

  • http://theopenend.com/ herocious


  • Eric V

    Valid points…skype sex sucks.

  • reverb

    no the internet gives us greater control over our actions and our sexuality. I don’t have to be limited by whomever I meet or not meet. I can meet hundreds of people every day, connect with them, have the experience I want to have, and then continue on with my life. And no morning breath!

    This is a lovely, well written article. the points she makes are undeniable. one thing to add tho the internet and the phone have given us what we have a hard time getting in our every day life and that is control.

  • Betty

    My partner and I are currently 6 hours apart and usually get a long weekend together once a month. Skype “sex” has been an amazing way to keep the fire going, as so to speak, for two main reasons.

    1) We’ve had to learn how to communicate our desires and what we like/don’t like better. Sure, skype ‘sex’ is awkward, especially at first, but after a while we noticed when we were together it’s a whole heck of a lot easier to talk about what feels good where, certain positions, etc. It’s also helped me become a lot more aware of my own body and what makes me get really turned on so I can teach him when we are together.

    2) It’s helped maintain or even increase intimacy. Most of the time we don’t even show each other our naughty bits but instead watch each other’s faces, speak caring and intimate words, even laugh with one another. It’s definitely not the real thing but I think it has definitely enhanced our comfort with one another and enhanced the time we do get to spend together.

    Just some thought…

  • Lyndseylou

     0I am a graduate student (Counseling Psychology) currently doing a research project on Skype Sex. While there is not much empirical information on the subject I was lead to this forum. I felt compelled to post after reading this article. I fully agree that the act of Skype Sex is not ideal it is far better than the alternative of no shared intimacy. For many individuals this is a way to stay connected and learn a new language within their relationship. This is especially true for many men who conceptualize intimacy, love and acceptance through physical exchanges. I know first hand how difficult it can be to have a long distance relationship. Recently my boyfriend of 12 years, yes you hear me right, left for medical school. Skype has been so helpful in maintaining or connection and yes even fostering a new wave of sexual exploration. No it is not perfect and it may not be number one on my list but it is very important for him to maintain that connection. It is my opinion that to rule out any avenue of communication within a relationship is very narrow minded. Many people find it helpful and if this is not the case for you than you have the option not to participate. 

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