How many people ever struggled with a toxic relationship?
I know I have struggled to end toxic relationships at times in my life.
Which is why it’s vital we understand the underlying reasons as to why we struggle to end a toxic relationships.
In order for us to gain a better understanding of how our values and beliefs prevent us from taking the steps we need to break free from that relationship.
1. Remember, you are in control over who you attract and who you let into your life.
Who a person attracts, has more to do with their experiences, values, self-worth, and an individual’s unconscious biases. Not an almighty power which draws someone to specific types of people.
Most times individuals who use this reasoning have an external locus of control. Which occurs when an individual blames outside factors for the things in their life. Instead of looking within themselves for the solutions to the things life throws in their direction.
Which can leave an individual feeling hopeless or powerless and cause them to stay in an abusive relationship!
My advice is to remember it’s within your power to stay in that toxic relationship or leave that relationship. Will it be terrifying, yes it will!
In the long run, though, it’ll be one of the best decisions you’ll ever make for yourself.
Keep these three things in mind to get a stronger grasp on what’s within your control and what isn’t in your control to change.
•Control what you can!
•Cope with what you can’t! (With healthy coping strategies)
•Most importantly, concentrate on what counts
2. Remember, just because you knew a person for a long time doesn’t mean they’ll change.
This is because of what psychology calls “The Sunk Cost Fallacy.”
Remember, even though you deserve better and you assume they’ll change. The unfortunate truth is they are very unlikely to change.
Because, unless someone makes actual changes and owns their mistakes aren’t worth your time.
When you tolerate a people’s toxic behaviour, you’re reinforcing their toxic actions. Then they think it’s okay to treat you that way because you let them get away with their toxic actions.
3. Remember, just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean your life will be perfect.
Which relationship out of the following choices is the most important one?
B. Spouse or who the person you are dating
E. None of the above
The answer is E because the relationship you have with yourself is more significant than any toxic or abusive relationship will ever be
My best advice is to learn skills that help you increase your sense of self such as; boundaries, self-awareness/acceptance, and self-care.
These skills give you the ability to cope with the things life throws your way in a healthier manner.
4. Remember that jealousy doesn’t mean a person cares.
Jealousy is a sign a person is emotionally immature, not affectionate. It’s also a sign that an individual may become physically or emotionally abusive Jealous individuals act this way because they lack something in their life. Not because they care.
They are also under the assumption that treating you this way gives them the upper hand or the power in the relationship.
Here a few ways to spot a jealous individual
•Jealous people constantly gaslight you in front of others because they feel inferior
•Jealous people downplay your success and accomplishments and throw your failures in your face
•Jealous people love bragging about their success
I recommend one of the following five options. When dealing with these types of people.
A. Cut them out of your life
B. Limit the contact you have with that person
C. Call them on their toxic behaviour
D. Create healthy boundaries
E. Take the high road because when you give into a jealous person you’re giving them your power. Otherwise, their behaviour will chip away at your self-worth.
5. Don’t make excuses even for your family.
Toxic relationships come in many shapes and forms. One of the most toxic forms is family
Individuals in toxic family relationships have a tendency to make more excuses to justify toxic behaviour. Due to things such as their values, poor boundaries or a deep seeded need to be connected to family.
My best advice is unless they own their behaviour. Cut them off or limit your contact with toxic family members. Also, just because you share the same DNA with a person. Isn’t an excuse for a person to be abusive.
In conclusion, here are a few things to remember if you fall into any of the above categories
•Instead of focusing on the things that keep you from leaving a toxic relationship. Focus on what’s within your power to move on and end that relationship
•Acknowledge how toxic relationships affect you and ask yourself does that person have a right to have so much power over your life.
•Don’t make excuses such as “but their family.” Because, when you make excuses for toxic or abusive behaviour you’re telling the person it’s all right to be abusive and reinforcing their toxic behaviour
•Create boundaries and stick to those boundaries with the help of a qualified professional.
•Instead of making excuses to stay in that relationship. Make reasons to end the relationship.
•Learn that self-care isn’t selfish it’s a necessity. So time for yourself and if someone doesn’t value you then end that relationship.
•Remember, being single or not being single is fine, and it isn’t a measure of success. As long as you’re happy and doing what’s best for you when you’re on the right track.
•“Do what’s good for you, don’t try hanging onto things that cause you to harm just because it’s familiar.”