I was doing OK. Months had gone by and I was slowly moving on. I’d found new people in my life to fill the void you left wide open. I was learning to live without you, and though it was a slow and painful journey, I finally found myself at the finish line. But then suddenly, you decided to come back into my life:
I miss you. Let’s be friends again.
Why would you do that? Why would you be so selfish and decide to take away everything I had worked so hard for—all my progress, all my healing, and all my self-love—just because you “missed” me?
I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss you, too. I would be lying to say that there weren’t nights when I wondered what you were doing and if you were alone. But I would be lying to say I want you back. I don’t want you back. I used to. I used to think of the what-ifs. What if you were more accommodating? What if I was less stubborn? What if we never fell out of love? What if we never hurt each other so much that it pained me to leave you but pained me more to stay? But these were no what if’s. It all happened. It was all real. And that’s what made me want to move on and forget you.
How dare you try to get the upper hand even when we are no longer together?
No, we can’t be friends again. Because we were never really friends. We fell for each other so quickly, so deeply, there was no foundation and maybe that’s why it crumbled so easily.
No, we can’t be friends again. Because we crossed the line of being friends. I know how you kiss, how you flirt, how you touch, and how you love. To be friends is to see you do all that with someone else. And I’m not okay with that.
No, we can’t be friends again. Because the real friends we have know what we did to each other and the real friends we have were there to pick up the pieces of broken hearts, swollen eyes and shaking bodies. And I know even if we pretend to be friends, they will know the truth and not allow that to happen.
No, we can’t be friends again. Because one of us, if not both of us, will always remember the pain the other person inflicted on us and we will never be able to truly enjoy a moment together.
No, we can’t be friends again. Because being with you makes me feel lonelier than when I am on my own. I will start to miss you before you leave. Miss the past when we didn’t have all this emotional baggage weighing us down. Missing the time we could wholeheartedly laugh together and not worry about the silence after we stopped.
No, we can’t be friends again. Because I don’t want to be hurt by you, not again, not ever.