There’s no one else I’d rather spend the day mooching around with than you. You find ways to make anything entertaining, you play along with my antics. We’re on the same wavelength. You know me and I know you.
When I’m drained from dealing with the necessities of life and people, you’re the one I don’t get tired of. And even if I need time to back off into myself, you recognize how to support me without being an over-presence.
You’re getting almost too good at detecting my omissions and half-lies: that I’m fine, that nothing’s wrong, that no I don’t need anything. The sudden hugs from behind as I turn my face away catch me off-guard and my heart stutters, although I’ll laugh it off and play the apathy card. Sometimes that scares me; don’t see through me like that.
The light pecks on my cheeks, my forehead, my lips – they’re comforting because they don’t ask for anything more.
One those nights I drown myself in coffee and work to finish the things I should have started earlier, I want to collapse next your sleeping form. To find you within the serenade of dawn’s songbirds and sunrise’s backlit curtains. For the rustling to awaken you slightly, and for it to be an instinctive response that you pull me closer. And in those mornings I have to force my heavy lids open to conquer another day, I want to see your face first. To find that throughout the night, our legs have become entangled and the embrace deepened.
When we’re grocery shopping, I want you to sling an arm around my shoulders as we trundle along. When we cross paths, I want you to reach out and feel your lingering touch before passing by. When you’re excited, I want you to grip me without warning as you express yourself through that lit-up face, higher tone, and faster speech. When I’m holding something of interest, you hone in and I hope that you shift closer to bend your head in next to mine. I always notice the proximity of your presence.
Still, we’re both kids really – and each time we bicker reminds us of that. Throwing me over your shoulder, picking me up and spinning – I feign irritation, but I hope you know that if you ever stopped doing that, I’d feel neglected. Please don’t let me go.
It’s those moments that seem so natural that further the emotional intimacy as well. You don’t realize to what extent your intuitive actions move me. But rest assured that I want to care for you just as much as you seem to care for me. I can only hope to give you even a portion of the amount of affection you’ve shown me.
I’ve only ever thought about myself and resolving my glitches, but when I’m with you I learn to care for another. And since you’ve taught me that, I find that my own issues pale in importance. That I’m strong enough to fend for both you and me.
It’s this close physical intimacy I crave the most. This is enough.
I want to sit on your lap when you’re on the computer, and feel your hand on my waist as you rest your chin on my head. I want you to squish your cheek against mine, to wrap your arms around me on the couch as I curl up between your legs.
I want to just stay like this.