This Is Me Saying Goodbye To Our Marriage

The word divorce is so common in our society it doesn’t even have meaning anymore.

So here we are, the day before we finally say goodbye to each other. The day we finalize our end and say to God that we have given up all hope. That we are never going to be in love again.

I wonder how you feel or if you feel anything at all. Because I’m broken. My heart is shattering into a million pieces and I don’t know if I’ll ever recover.

I still think of you every day. I still look at you and think of you as my husband. I still find myself wanting to hold on to you. I want to hug you, kiss you, and tell you that my love is real.

But that wouldn’t matter. Because you don’t love me. You never have. You never gave me the real you; you never gave me a chance to get to know you. It’s so easy for you to walk away. But that is because you never loved me. You’ve been mentally leaving me for years. While I was trying to help you because I loved you, you resented me.

I think maybe I’ve been stuck in denial and I’ve been hoping some miracle would happen and you’d say you miss me. But you don’t. You won’t allow yourself. But I openly admit I miss you terribly and I’m dying on the inside of a broken heart.

I’m working on letting you go. Forever.

I can’t make the same mistake I’ve made for years. I can’t keep you in my life like everyone else, secretly loving you and being sad every time I see you with someone else. I found out in your absence that I really loved you enough to try and fix my faults. I found that I was willing to accept you with yours. But I also found out that you could never see me.

You say you want to be free. You say that you want to be alone.

Happy birthday—this is my gift to you.

About the author
My name means “Helper of Mankind” Follow Sandi on Instagram or read more articles from Sandi on Thought Catalog.

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