A few months ago, while I was on the phone with my mom explaining how the couple of weeks before the call were difficult, she told me, “Sammy, we are fighters. We never give up.” She is right. I was the girl who got into her dream school after being rejected just one year before. I was the girl who got back on stage after forgetting all of her lines earlier in the show. I was the girl who saw how resilient her parents are and decided that she was going to be just like them. I never give up.
But recently, this idea challenged me. I grew up with the notion that I am just the way I am, and that everything leading up to the present has made me that way. However, after life changing events that led me to work on my mental health, I realized that I have been holding on to who I thought I was. The girl who always needs to feel comfortable. The girl who is quiet, so she can let other people express themselves freely while they don’t know anything about her. The girl who keeps certain people in her life because she doesn’t think anyone else would put up with her. I am not that girl.
By walking away from who I thought I was, I am running toward who I really am. I am done hiding myself from people and ready to be unapologetically who I am. I am leaving relationships that might have been good for who I thought I was and welcoming ones that make the real me feel alive. I am allowing myself to be brave and vulnerable, even if it feels uncomfortable. I am leaving everything I don’t want anymore, because sometimes the best thing to do is walk away.
Think about who you really are, how you want to live, and what makes you want to get up in the morning. And for everything that doesn’t align, say thank you for what it taught you, be glad that you know what you want now, and walk away. No matter how scary it can be, walk away.
So maybe I do give up. But I’d rather be a quitter than look back and realize that I never allowed myself to grow. That I never allowed myself to shakily walk away from what was comfortable and run and run until I made it to a place I really wanted to be. Because I can give up on many things in my life, but I will never give up on myself.