I don’t think getting sacked by a former lover is something that is easy to get over. If you’re able to move on quickly, then you’re most likely a robot or were not invested in the relationship to begin with.
Recently-ish, I got dumped. I’m not even sure if you can count it as a proper dumping considering that I’m pretty sure I was more into the relationship than he ever was. The interesting part is that I always had this feeling that something wasn’t right (as many of us do) but given the fact that dating is already hard enough I was elated that a witty, funny, smart person who accepted my obsession with food and video games was “into me.”
As if staying in something I knew was not right wasn’t bad enough, I built him up to be my perfect person and held on to the idea of what he could be because I was too afraid to let go.
As time passed by the thought of starting over with someone new became even more unnerving that I ignored all the signs and refused to accept the truth that was right in front of my face which was that; he was not ready to date me not now, not ever.
Finally, after things seemed to be moving in the opposite direction, he ended his silence and broke things off. After the dust had settled and the tears dried up, I couldn’t help but be more thankful that he broke my heart.
I loved him, but he did not love me, and no relationship should ever be a one-way street.
Time and time again I see my friends get into relationships where they are often unhappy. Instead of making waves; they conform. They settle for the person who accepts them but doesn’t adore them, who hangs out with them out of greed and convenience and not out of love and need, and who dulls their shine instead of helping them sparkle and succeed.
Thanks to social media we have entered an age that has made the art of being cold-hearted and emotionless cool, and we have managed to desensitize collectively one another based on these made up ideals and norms. We label girls who feel and lead with their hearts as emotional and guys who express themselves and care as sensitive.
Getting my heart broken reminded me that there is nothing wrong with being in touch with your feelings. We tend to overlook the importance of trusting our intuition and gut and instead of accepting things for what they are at face value, we tend to make excuses for the people we care about especially for the person we are dating or love out of the fear of being misunderstood and judged.
It is crucial to be in tune with yourself because there is nothing wrong with investing your time into someone, putting your heart out on the line, and giving them the benefit of the doubt as long as you also have the courage and strength to walk away when the truth presents itself.
You have to be equipped to leave the sense of comfort that you can find within that person’s arms and in their presence because too often we allow that security and convenience to shape our future, our decisions, and our relationships.
We know that we are not happy, yet choose to stay exactly where we are because the uncertainty and fear of the unknown are too much for us to handle.
So this is why I am grateful for my ex, and you should be too. They did what we couldn’t do. They let us go. The inability to walk away from a situation that is not healthy or what you ultimately want is a major sign that you haven’t reached where you need to be. You’re not ready because to love your significant other wholeheartedly above all self-love is fundamental. It is essential because if you love yourself, it gives you the ability to see clearly. Disconnects and problems in relationships don’t just arise overnight. There are always signs and little things that present themselves but if you are too preoccupied to pay attention to them or are unwilling to face them, then you are allowing your standards of love to remain stagnant, and you nix the chance of finding someone who can be your rightful counterpart.
Don’t permit the misconception that dating and being in a relationship is about finding someone who makes you feel whole and complete to cloud your judgment or fuel your attachment to love that has run its course. Instead of searching for the missing piece of your imaginary puzzle that you feel is a void that only another person could fill, spend more time learning about yourself and loving yourself so that you are complete on your own and can find someone who loves you for everything that you are.
Accept that your relationship could have failed for many reasons, and it does not mean that you or the other person involved were necessarily flawed.
The truth is: some things just do not work. It’s just that simple.
So do not choose to complicate it by formulating reasons and theories as to why they walked away. They could have unpretentiously ended the relationship because that particular arrangement just wasn’t right for them, which would also mean that this is not an ideal situation for you either.
Understand that they broke you so that you could be better, so that you could do better, and so that you could find better. Stop holding a grudge, stop choosing to be upset, and do not allow yourself to crumble due to the pain but rather take the experience as a lesson and grow from it.
You may not understand it now, but your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend broke your heart for a reason. Whether it was you, that was not right for them or them who was not right for you there is a reason that the relationship came to an end, and the heartache is just a small result of this. Take the pain and transform it and use it as your foundation to rebuild an even better version of yourself. Take the time to self-reflect but never allow their inability to love you forever to be a reflection of your self-worth.