Communication is a dead language (and it’s not okay).
We can pick up the phone and have a two-minute mindless conversation. We can shoot a text with no real substance behind it. We can make love. We can express emotions. We can even talk shit; yet when it comes to communicating with our significant other, friends, or family about important issues that concern them or ourselves we get stuck.
I can’t figure it out. Why is it that when we hit a road block in a relationship with our significant other that we choose to venture outside to seek an answer to a question that ultimately only they can answer? Why is it that when issues arise in friendships that we decide to make our lives more complicated and challenging by turning to loved ones, other friends, and family instead of conversing with the one individual who can give us some real clarity?
And why have we adopted this mentality that turning to our family at any given time is a sign of weakness, immaturity, and failure when they are the ones who can guide us and want nothing more than to see us shine?
I understand that opening up about issues and talking about controversial subjects can be intimidating. You become exposed, vulnerable, and fear potentially hurting the other person involved, but it goes a layer deeper than that. It is about fear. We are afraid, and that fear manifests itself and ultimately hinders our ability to communicate. We are afraid of the outcome. Scared of hearing the truth. Worried about facing reality.
And quite frankly this is not a good enough excuse and it is about time we wake up.
We fail to realize that by choosing not to express ourselves that we create resentment and build up an unnecessary wall.
We become guarded, yet expect them to understand; we expect them to know what we are thinking, and expect so much and give so little to the point that we become the main catalysts of own chaos. Instead of taking a good hard look at ourselves in the mirror and asking what am I doing wrong, we begin to question the integrity, compatibility, and like-mindedness of our lovers, friends, and family alike.
What we need to do is stop ourselves from placing the blame elsewhere.
We must understand and accept the fact that we are only human and that it is impossible to see eye to eye on every single issue. We should celebrate individuality and the fact that we are fortunate enough to have our own minds, spirits, and souls and that we can form our own opinions and voice.
Get over the fear, check your ego at the door, and accept that each individual’s perspective, interpretation, and beliefs are just as valid even if they do not match your own.
This is what communication is all about. It is about coming together and blending your ideas, views, and thoughts into one and finding common ground and taking the time to understand and grow with one another. It is not about being in love with someone who follows you every step of the way, who doesn’t have a voice, or who doesn’t challenge you. It is not about having a friend who always agrees with you, who can sit on the sidelines and watch you self-destruct. It is not having loved ones who won’t voice their opinion because you’re too apprehensive and take it as an attack on your character when their sole aim is only to advise you and help you reach your full potential.
That is the one relationship I would advise you against being in. That is one less friend you should have. And that is one major misconception you need to learn to let go of.
From this day forward actively choose to be the sister, the brother, the child, the parent who says, talk to me. Tell me your biggest fears, what you dream about at night, what you think of when you look up into the sky. Be the friend who wants to know how that song made them feel, what gives them anxiety, what they define as mistakes and what is their biggest fear.
Be the lover who removes layer after layer and says tell me your flaws, your favorite childhood memories, your insecurities, and what keeps you up late at night.
Let them show you their depth, and learn to listen with an open mind.