My friends and I sit around often on weekends and discuss our love lives (or I should say the lack there of). We whip out our phones and laugh uncontrollably at all the accurate memes that depict our failed relationships and sip on some wine and swipe until we pass out.
At this point you’re probably like well, “Cool story but why is it so hard to find a genuinely good partner?” and the answer is quite simple.
Thanks to the recent introduction and popularity of dating apps and the fact that our current generation idealizes the “faux” expectations we see on social media daily these platforms have taught us to believe that we do indeed have options and have shaped our ideas of what a perfect partner ought to be like.
Instead of working through issues and growing with our significant other or giving the person we’re dating a chance we wake up and scroll through Instagram, have a brief swipe session on Bumble, and scour through Facebook updates garnering an arsenal of reasons or ideas as to why the current person we’re dating is not good enough or not living up to our expectations as a partner.
The sad truth is that what we see plastered on social media isn’t real.
Don’t get me wrong, I am well aware that there are guys and girls out there that go above and beyond for the person they’re dating whether it is just the beginning of something new or they’ve been with their partner for quite some time.
But with the rise of social media, we are now more likely to compare our connection with the other person in our life to that of an insta-famous couple or to the images we see plastered of happy couples we know on Facebook.
We tend to forget that social media is just a platform where people share their experiences, moments, and memories and just to make it clear they are generally sharing the good ones and not the bad ones with the masses.
In other words, ladies and gentlemen, the reason why your relationships new and old are failing is because your expectations are unrealistic and instead of growing with a potential partner you instead nix them before they even have a chance to reach their full potential.
We have been inundated with the idea that somewhere out there is a perfect person who will sweep you off your feet, take away your troubles, and shower you with gifts as a sign of love and adoration when we should be focused on finding a companion who is a good person at the core.
It shouldn’t be about how they dress, what they look like, what they buy you, or how much money they have but rather whether or not they share the same moral compass, goals, and aspirations as you.
You may not have it all right now, but who’s to say that you can’t build your dreams together?
What I’m urging you to do is break away from expectations to the best of your ability. Appreciate the person you’re with for who they are and how they make you feel. Once again don’t get confused because in no way, shape, or form am I telling you to settle. Actually quite the contrary.
I am telling you to think outside the box and to seek a connection that is real versus a connection that relies heavily on things that feed your ego versus your soul.
I am well aware that this is not an easy task. I for one am a person who always held the people I dated at arm’s length and judged them based on every action small or big, and analyzed it until it didn’t make any sense at all based on the information and ideals projected by social media. So given that I was so impressionable, I’ve spent a majority of my young adult life dating, but not really dating with the idea that my perfect person that I’m meant to be with has not yet come along.
Truth is: if you’re too caught up looking for something that may not present itself how you expect it to then there’s a good chance that you might pass up on the potential of something that is greater than what you ever imagined.
This was a hard lesson I had to learn and although I can’t pinpoint a specific instance or moment where I realized that there is more to love and dating then what I saw or believed to be true, I learned that if you hold on to those naive standards of how things ought to be you won’t be giving yourself a fair chance at finding someone great.
So the next time you find someone who makes you laugh uncontrollably, who only wants to see you smile, and who wants to join you in all your weird explorations and adventures, don’t be quick to let them go since they can’t stock your room with twelve dozens of roses, or take you on extravagant spontaneous trips, or nightly expensive dinners. Because if you let them go, you’d be placing too much value in things that you can grow towards together and not enough attention in the little things that really matter the most.