Hi. Hello world. Hello life. You beautiful, chaotic, messy, tragic thing.
I sit back and wonder how I got here, but there is no all-encompassing reason. All I know is that I’m tired. My entire life I have been the girl who does it all, a “yes” girl if you will. I do well in school, I have had a job since it was legal, I am more responsible than most young adults nowadays, I hold on to my values, and I try my hardest to make other people’s days. And yet, as I sit here writing this, I realize that it has never been enough. I am still not the daughter my parents want. I fear commitment, but crave company. My life is filled with constant fighting- and I am exhausted. Exhausted from trying to be perfect. Exhausted from giving my all for people who don’t give me the time of day. From being alone my entire life.
There is nothing more beautiful to me than simplicity. Reading a book outside. Going for a walk. Driving with the windows down. Looking at the sky. Looking at the view. And yet in these moments I realize how separated these moments are from my life. I am fighting day after day to achieve these rare moments of beauty in a world that is not my own- and they are the moments I truly want.
I am not complaining about my life, you must understand. My life is wonderful. But there comes a point when you need a break sometimes. This unexplainable urge to leave it all behind. To get in the car one day and never look back. Time to recover. Time to gain back the strength I have lost after being strong for so long. Time to learn how to let others love me. Time to be reminded that I am worth that love. Time to get back to the root of myself. To remember who I am, and what I have to offer the world. So that when that time is over, I realize that my exhaustion has stopped. The world has stopped spinning — and I can breathe.