To The Women Who Are ‘Too Much’

Unfortunately, most of us have had the less than pleasant experience of a relationship ending for a multitude of reasons. When I had my first breakup straight out of high school, it was because I was “too comfortable.” In his words, if I had dressed up a little more or put a little more effort into the way I had looked that afternoon, the outcome would have been different. Throughout the years, I’ve had similar situations that put me down for being me. That made me feel like I had to conform to a certain box in order to be loved properly.

It wasn’t until recently, when I picked up my life and decided to start making decisions based solely on my own opinions, that I realized that I didn’t have to like this, I was astounded at the feedback. Too high maintenance. Too smart. Too beautiful. Too friendly. How can anyone be “too much” of all of these good qualities?

My own recent experience came with dating a close acquaintance of my dearest friends. PSA: I realized from the very beginning this was a bad idea, but gave him a chance because I was assured through our mutual relations that he was an upstanding individual that wouldn’t do me wrong.

With no further ado, I’ll be the one to tell you that he did. I was very clear about my intentions, my goals, the things I wanted from life, and when I brought it up that I may want to explore these things further with him as a partner, he backed off. He ghosted, just like most millennials of our generation, despite the fact that I live in a house with his best friend. When I finally ran into him some time later, we discussed what had happened. I had been “too dynamic, too engaging, and too much of a time commitment” for him. All of these came as a complete surprise after four months of dating a little more than casually.

Unlike that first 16 year-old heartbreak, I walked away from this one confident that there was nothing wrong with me. I didn’t have to change for someone who was so quick to throw me away. In this day and age, women have enough pressure to be equal or better than our opposite sex. We have to produce massive amounts of femininity while balancing our ambition in the workplace and our drive to be successful apart from our significant others.

I want to be the first of many to let you know that you aren’t “too much” of anything. You can be comfortable in knowing that when that person who is meant for you comes along, you will be just right for them.

Until then, my single friend, celebrate you daily. Don’t be afraid to be proud of your strengths. Constantly work on your flaws, because it’s something you want to do differently and not because they’re inconvenient to others. Love yourself the way you wish someone else would. You are amazing just the way you are.