How To Make A Really Big Decision

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1. Go see a psychic. Too many options and fears and outcomes are swirling around in your head, and the only way to know whether to tell someone how you feel/take that job/move to another country/have a baby/get a drastic haircut, etc. is to look into the future to guarantee the right outcome.

2. Promptly leave said psychic when she blames everything on daddy issues and tries to sell you ancient crystals for $60.

3. Make a pros and cons list. Fail to make any progress. Make a fucking pros and cons matrix, and realize you are no closer to any decision than when you started.

4. Cry.

5. Have schizophrenic episodes that range from being really, totally chill about the whole situation and being all “Zen” with the universe, to having a nervous fucking breakdown which leaves you rocking back and forth and binge-watching episodes of Catfish because you don’t know where else to put yourself.

6. Try to take your mind off of the topic. See friends, watch movies, run, dance, cook, read. Know that doing something you love will give you some mental space and allow you to see things more clearly. Begrudgingly realize the looming decision has a way of seeping into your thoughts during said activities despite your best efforts to keep it out, and trying to distract yourself is really just postponing what needs to be done.

7. Drink.

8. Ask everyone you know for advice. Make a bar graph of received advice and see which suggestions come up most often. Decide the “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” last-ditch effort may not be the way to go, especially since you really don’t like what the polls are showing.

9. Take a long walk on an early-autumn evening, when the air is just beginning to become crisp and electric. Walk for a long time. Walk until it gets dark. Walk until you are lost in your thoughts and also actually lost. Sit down near something majestic: a still, giant lake, a100-year-old tree, on top of a hill overlooking the city. Feel small and insignificant.

10. Feel a sense of calm and certainty wash over your body. Realize that whichever choice you make, you’re going to be just fine. There’s no such thing as the “right” choice, there’s only the choice you make and the choice you stand behind and the choice you pursue relentlessly. So make a choice – a terrifying, life-altering choice – and boldly follow the path it takes you. Understand there is no crystal ball to tell you what the future holds, because it has not yet been written. Inhale courage, exhale fear, pick up a pen, and start writing.