Thought Catalog

I’m No Longer Apologizing For Being Me

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LariStreule
LariStreule

I used to apologize for everything. “Sorry I’m so crazy,” “sorry I said that,” “sorry I’m so insecure,” “sorry I didn’t come out last night,” and so on. Now, apologies are necessary if you did something wrong. However, none of what I just wrote was “wrong.” I apologized for being me for a long time. Well, I gave that up, just like a bad habit.

First off, I’m a girl and I definitely can be crazy. Guess what? If you don’t make me crazy, I won’t be crazy. It’s that simple. If I’m not dating a boy who lies and is shady, you won’t see my crazy side. If you aren’t rude or disrespectful to me, I won’t make you feel like you’re two inches tall and remind you why you shouldn’t mess with my 5’2” stature. Girls are called crazy, because in situations where we don’t know the outcome or we have a bad feeling, our anxiety and research skills come into play. Don’t hate us because we’re resourceful or because you have something to hide.

I’m not going to apologize for acting out in a situation I’ve been placed in.

I will never apologize for something I have said if I truly meant it. Am I sorry it hurt your feelings? Yes, of course. However, you came to me because you knew I was going to give you 100 percent of the truth. If you didn’t want the truth, you would have gone to someone who sugar coats things and I don’t know how to do that. I won’t apologize for being honest, ever. Besides, I couldn’t lie or sugarcoat things even if I tried. If you know me, you know my face says it all and I won’t apologize for it. I am not rude or disrespectful by any means, but I have an opinion and I’m damn sure I don’t care if you hear it.

I am sorry that I am insecure, but that sorry isn’t for anyone else to hear.

It’s for me and my body. I apologize to my body for not giving it the care it deserves as a strong and beautiful piece of this world. I am sorry for treating it poorly, time and time again and hating it every day. I am truly sorry that I have wasted 24 years not loving it and I will do my best to work on that every day. That’s between me and myself. You better believe you’ll never make me sorry for showing you my vulnerable side.

I’ve had too many people in my life that have tried to use my insecurity as power and that low point in my life is long gone, so don’t try me.

I have come to terms with the fact that I am 24-years-old and I should still act young. My best friend and I should spend a Thursday night, drinking beer or sangria until 1am. I should be out dancing all night on a Saturday. However, if it’s a Friday and you’re dying to go out and I’m in sweats, my face is washed and I’m 4 episodes of One Tree Hill deep on Netflix, with a glass of wine in my hand, chances are I’m not moving. I won’t apologize for needing a night to myself, ever. I can be loud, social and the life of the dance floor when I’m feeling it…but sometimes I want to be antisocial and crawl into the walls of my room and never come out. I’ll never apologize for needing to recharge, no matter how “lame” it is.

I will never apologize or feel like I can’t voice my feelings about something. I feel very strongly about LGBT rights, human rights and my voice as a woman. If you don’t agree with me, that’s your opinion. However, I will never shade what I have to say, so that I don’t feel like an outcast or because I’m afraid. I will stand up for what I believe in until the day I die and no one can take that from me. So, do me a favor and don’t try to make me sound stupid over a topic I’m passionate about; it won’t work.

We spend a lot of our time trying to please others and wanting to be liked by all things.

We’re always trying to be the next fitness story, the girl with the latest hair or clothing style, the one listening to the new music or following the trend of whatever bracelet takes the place of the Alex and Ani.

I hate working out, I love my black hair and the fact that I can wear a Knicks jersey or a dress and feel good. I will blast a Wu-tang album, make you feel intimidated as I rap Nicki Minaj or jam out to my 60’s records and not give a second thought about what Taylor Swift is doing. Maybe I’m not the prettiest and I’m not invested in the trend of becoming a fit girl for instagram, but I have who I need in my life and they love me for who I am; funny, sarcastic, truthful and unapologetically me.

I say, be yourself. People don’t have to like you, but you have to like yourself.

Don’t be afraid that society is going to call you a “bitch” for acting this way or that your stance as an independent woman is a cliche. Be your damn self and be proud of it. TC mark

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