In the Jewish religion, when you turn 13 you throw yourself a party because you are now an ‘adult.’ But 13-year-olds are not adults. I mean, I’m 27 and I don’t even feel like an adult.
I know technically I am. I just got an invite to my 10 year high school reunion. I am the same age as Romy and Michele were when they went to their high school reunion. I am also old enough to know who Romy and Michele are because I guarantee you no 13-year-old knows that movie even exists.
I don’t want to start complaining about how old I am, because I’m not. But I’m also not young enough to call myself a “young adult,” because that refers to teen girls who read books similar to Twilight and stuff, so what the fuck am I? I guess I’m an adult currently in the process of adulting, which I now believe is a process that takes place until you are a senior citizen.
Does anyone actually know what ‘adulthood’ is? The Internet says its ‘the period of time in your life after your physical growth has stopped and you are fully developed,’ but lol… we all know that’s a fucking joke. I’m pretty sure I stopped growing in the 5th grade, and I was completely dependent on my parents for years after I got my period. I guess I didn’t get boobs really until senior year of high school, but like nope — still wasn’t an adult after that because I went through college blacking out way too much and telling my parents to give me money (I didn’t even ask).
So what is adulthood?
1. The act of complaining about people that are younger than you.
2. A montage of weddings, babies, and debt.
3. The transition from white wine to red wine.
4. The act of spending $5 on coffee every day and wondering why you can’t save money.
5. When it becomes ‘okay’ for you have a child.
6. A never-ending panic attack.
7. The time period after you learn how to cook something not in the microwave.
8. Not knowing who anyone is at the VMAs.
9. The act of pretending to look like you have your shit together on social media.
10. A new world you enter after you stop asking your parents for money.
11. The point you reach when you can’t ‘go out like you used to.’
12. The act of working, eating, sleeping, and nothing else really.
13. When your metabolism stops working.
14. One step closer to death.
15. Mass confusion.