When I was single, going out to me meant finding a guy and either giving him my number or bringing him to my bed (or his bed… but usually not his bed because I hate using other people’s bathrooms).
A night out wasn’t about how many shots I was going to do or how many friends I was going to catch up with at the bar (because honestly, who catches up at a bar?)… it was about how many attractive guys were going to be at the same place as me and how many prospective hookups (AKA prospective boyfriends, or so I thought) I was going to find.
If I didn’t try to talk to guys, the night would be spent solely hanging out with friends, which was something I could do sans drinking. I mean, it was college. I lived with friends and other friends lived around me. Our town was basically one giant brothel. And it was fine.
But that was college.
And that was four years ago.
I know plenty of people who stop going out once they get involved in a relationship. They, as so many people say, “become boring.” Not all, but many of these people feel as though they don’t need to go out as much (if at all) anymore because they found someone and would rather lounge on the couch with them in sweats than get dressed up to go drinking with friends. Their bar flirting days are officially over and they get their friend time over dinners and outings. That is… until these people end their relationships and suddenly start going out again. Because that happens.
For the past 4+ years I’ve been in a relationship. You may have thought I would be one of those girls who ditched the nightlife for the boyfriend. As I said, in college I didn’t see the point of getting drunk if I wasn’t going to at least get hit on once. So why would I feel the need to go out after getting in a relationship?
But that wasn’t the case for me. Immediately, my idea of a night out changed. It was no longer strictly business. I didn’t go out with ambitions of a night of flirting and getting hit on. I didn’t need that confidence I relied so much on anymore. And I wasn’t looking for ass. From then on, going out was about spending time with friends and proving to everyone that I was still fun and drunk, even though I was in a relationship.
This is how I have viewed going out the past couple years. But despite this, I’m still grouped together with all those other people in relationships. I’m “boring” even though I’m not.
If a single friend is looking to have a crazy night out where she winds up after partying at a random person’s apartment, she’s not going to ask me to go with her.
If a friend in a relationship is looking to go out for a low key night with some other couples, she’s not going to ask her single friend to come with. Or maybe she will ask her, but will the single friend go? No way. That would be her “worst nightmare.” Single social suicide.
All of this poses a very relevant question: As we get older, is it possible to remain good friends with someone who is single when you are in a relationship? And vice versa.
WHY must we stereotype all singles as crazy and all couples as boring? WHY must we decide that so-and-so is going to suck if their significant other comes out with them? Why must we decide that so-and-so is “crazy” for sleeping with a random? Isn’t that what being single is all about?
I can’t lie and say I don’t have these thoughts myself, but I know I shouldn’t. Yeah I sometimes would rather that my friends go out without their significant others. And sure there are times where I leave the bar early because I’m out with my significant other or want to go home with my significant other, but honestly if I DO leave, that’s not the only reason. I leave because I’m bored and/or tired. And if I was single, I would probably still leave. No, I may not have someone to go home to (or with), but there’s always pizza, a couch, and sweatpants. Hi.
In attempt for us to stop having these ridiculous thoughts, I ask everyone to stop stereotyping singles as crazy and couples as boring. Everyone is different. I’m sure there are many boring singles out there and many crazy couples out there.
You never know.
So the next time you’re deciding whether or not you should include your single or coupled up friend in your plans based on their relationship status, think again, you jerks (aka everyone because we are all jerks, it’s fine… kind of).