1. Fro-yo is weight gain in disguise.
They said it was healthy. They said it was low calorie. And then I tried having it for lunch and dinner (no breakfast necessary) every day for 5 months… and I gained weight. BUT HOW?!
2. You never use cursive.
You don’t. I scribble my signature. I’m not even sure I make out real letters when doing it. So much for spending weeks learning it in the 2nd grade. At least we got to play with shaving cream.
3. Guys suck at texting.
So don’t read too much into their texts… They just don’t understand the need to put a ! at the end of their sentences… or add extra letters on the end of words to make the text seem ‘more friendly’… Or maybe us girls are just freaks. Yeah, it’s probably that.
4. The first cut is the deepest.
Sheryl Crow knew. That first break up is a bitch. But then you get over it… After you get on top of someone else of course!
5. Friendships come and go, but my love of french fries is apparently forever.
Maybe this wouldn’t be the case if I wasn’t rewarded with french fries (or all fast food) as a child. Like, seriously. I would choose late night drunken french fries over a late night drunken hook up any night. It’s not right.
6. FOMO is a bitch. And I’m not sure if it will ever go away.
Just don’t let it get the best of you because you will probably never miss anything when you stay in… BUT WHAT IF TONIGHT IS SUPER FUN?! Chances are, it will be just like your night out last weekend… soooo whatevs.
7. If you ‘cheat’ to lose weight, it will come back.
Dieting isn’t easy, but it’s doable. If you want to keep it off for good, you can’t do it over night. As stupid as it sounds, you have to change your lifestyle. Meaning you have to eat… just in moderation. And exercise. It’s the only way!
8. Forever 21 is the devil.
But really, it is. The clothes might be cheap, but they’re trendy… so you wear them once… or if you’re lucky, one full season… and then they’re old news and they get banished to the back of your closet, which doesn’t even have any free space for clothes you don’t wear anyway. And eventually you will have all of these clothes you don’t wear creeping around your closet, dresser, and storage. It’s just not right.
9. Kraft mac and cheese will always be the best comfort food.
BUT YOU MUST HAVE SHAPES. ONLY SHAPES.
10. You can become a completely different person after high school.
When you’re in high school, you’re just a child! And since YOU have probably become a different person, know that most other people probably have too. So don’t judge. Especially at your 5 year reunion. That thing was a blast for me… Everyone is just so nice now… Or at least I think they are? Actually, I have no idea. So maybe you should ignore this one. Thanks red bull vodka.
11. Many people will ask for your advice, but they won’t actually take it.
It sucks, and it will make you angry, but no one will ACTUALLY take your advice. Especially when it comes to relationship issues. They have to learn for themselves. And they will. I did. (Sorry to everyone I never listened to — see how well I turned out though?!).
12. Rejection has got to be the worst feeling in the world.
Job rejection. Love rejection. LIKE rejection. It’s da worst. But don’t miss out on an opportunity because you’re afraid of it. Put yourself out there. You never know until you try or tell someone how you feel. The worst that will happen is, well, rejection… but at least you won’t be saying ‘what if’ forever.
13. Good things don’t necessarily come to people who wait.
If you want something, you have to work for it. You can’t just sit around with a bottle of wine watching Arrested Development (at least not all the time). You have to put yourself out there. It’s like when people say ‘you’ll find love when you’re not looking for it.’ Umm okay. How can you find love when you’re not at least putting yourself in a situation where you are around others? And jobs… you have to keep applying and keep interviewing. A job isn’t going to come to you and ask you to work for them (unless you’re, like, having a really lucky day).
14. There is a difference between love and being in love.
And if you don’t know what that difference is, you haven’t figured that out yet.
15. Fast food is bad.
Don’t eat it! Just don’t! Even if you’re being enticed with a fun prize in a happy meal (coughteaniebeaniebabycough), don’t budge.
16. Worry about yourself and no one else.
Who cares if someone has more money than you? Who cares if someone has a ‘better’ job than you? What makes it better? You don’t know if they enjoy what they’re doing. You don’t know what they have to use their money for. You don’t know if someone is TRULY happy. You only know about yourself. And that’s really all that matters. Do you, bitch.
17. If you’re going to be in the sun, you should probably wear sunscreen.
This one took me a while to learn. But eventually (like, this year), I started using sunscreen. I used to think any color was good color… but after dealing with far too many sunburns that made me legitimately sick (and years of being called Red Lobster by friends), I was like fuck that, I’m using sunscreen. Sunburns can also give you cancer. And no one wants that.
18. Nice girls/guys finish last.
Fucking duh. Just ask the betches. Being nice gets you nowhere. You have to have a backbone to get ahead. I mean, be nice the majority of the time, but also have some balls – and use them!
19. If you need to, get your pants shortened.
I used to stroll around in jeans that were way too long for me and never got them altered because I needed to wear new clothes RIGHT AWAY. Now, I know if you need to get something altered, you get it fucking altered. Looking good > dressing good. Does that make sense?
20. College IS the best four years of your life.
There’s no doubting that one. So enjoy it while it lasts because you’ll miss it when it’s gone……. But you can just start a blog about it after you graduate, so it’s all good.
21. People are mean.
So, like, fuck them. I was going to leave this as ‘girls are mean,’ but then I decided that everyone is mean. It’s a team effort. Go us! We suck! People talk shit. People are fake. And not everyone will like you. But that’s fucking life. So deal.
22. Money does buy happiness…
And happiness is expensive. Life is expensive. Don’t spend your life saving all your money or worrying about how expensive everything is though. You have to splurge sometimes. You have to spend at least some of your money. If you don’t, you’ll get real bored real fast… and probably be real miserable. Take me for example. I might be poor, but I have a fucking blast.
23. Your parents are not horrible people.
They are not your enemies. They are not wishing for your downfall. They are not trying to make your life miserable. They are shaping you into the great person you’ll become… or… they somehow managed to do that and you still don’t know how.
24. Everything happens for a reason.
It has to, right?
25. Don’t rush it.
Don’t rush into relationships. And don’t rush a relationship along. Don’t rush into not going out anymore. Don’t rush into becoming an adult. Every year until I turned 21 I wanted to be older. Then, it stopped there and I wanted to be that age forever. So while you can, enjoy your youth. Don’t keep wishing for high school to end… or for college to end… or for marriage to come… and children. I mean you can wish for it, but live in the moment. You’re only young for so long. And yeah, I have decided that 25 is still pretty effing young… because now I’m 25… and I am basically still a child. No? I’m not a child? Okay. Well, I’m certainly not a full-time adult. Would a full-time adult be thinking about partaking in blackout Wednesday tonight? Probably not. Oh, and notice how I said ‘thinking.’ The doing part — I don’t know if it will actually happen, but it’s nice to still think about it.