1. You Have Senioritis About Everything
Soooo according to these syllabi I found on the floor underneath my overflowing-dresser I have two papers, several hundred pages of reading, and a problem set due… 3 days ago. No problem! I’ll just do it later in between my netflix breaks… maybe after a trip to starbucks?? Yeah, it’ll all get done at some point eventually maybe I don’t know.
2. All Of Your College Traditions Are Suddenly Super Relevant
WAIT THIS IS THE LAST FALL FESTIVAL OF MY UNDERGRAD??!?!?!?!? THAT’S SO SAD OMG I JUST WANT TO CHERISH EVERYTHING SO MANY FEELZ HOW DO I STOP TIME.
3. You’re Racing To Finish Everything On Your Bucket List
Yeah, remember that bucket list you made when you were a freshman? “Have sex in the library,” “Hookup with someone from every dorm,” “streak,” “Have sex on a rooftop,” “skinnydip in the lake,” etc etc etc. Well… you’re officially running out of time, and will you really feel satisfied if you leave some of those items “unchecked?” Probably not. And since you have too much senioritis to do any work anyway, you may as well focus on this, which is infinetely more important.
4. You’re So Unbelievably Uninclined To Talk To Freshman
You’re sitting there talking about your college-girlfriends spring break trip last year, or that time you and all your college friends went on that great big adventure, and they’re sitting there like, “Yeah, this one time, not too long ago, in tenth grade, I went with my friends to homecoming, and we got shitfaced.” Do I look like someone that wants to reminisce about high school “glory” days? I’m literally in my twenties, I couldn’t relate to your 16-year old shenanigans if I were crossfaded into oblivion.
5. You’re Working On Your Thesis
Thesis? What thesis? How do I thesis? What is a thesis? Does it hurt? Will I be okay? What do you mean it’s a graduation requirement?
6. Suddenly Graduation Requirements Are Relevant
Why didn’t anyone tell me I needed twenty credits outside my major division to graduate??? How the fuck am I supposed to come up with twenty bullshit credits in two semesters when I’m trying to write this stupid thesis?
7. You’re Jaded
Freshmen are walking around like “holy fuck our library looks like hogwarts I’m basically harry potter” or “I heard the frisbee team is full of the best people, I can’t wait to join and be apart of such a non-incestuous group of people who always drink resposibly!” or “omg the dining center makes the best food” and you’re sitting there like “holy shit can you be quiet I’m trying to pretend to write this thesis.”
8. Relationships Are Ending Left And Right
Wait, they broke up too? But they were dating for three years! Why is everyone breaking up?
Because, reader, all the seniors are stuck in this weird existential limbo crisis that involves immediately breaking up with your significant other to avoid having to think about whether or not you’re going to marry him/her in a couple of years.
9. You Look Around And Realize Your Friend Group Has Completely Changed
Truth is, not all of us meant it when we said we were going to be friends forever back in freshman year. But that’s okay, because this year is about cherishing the friendships that have made it this far, whether they’re old or new…. Because before you know it, your best friend could move back to the other side of the country where she actually lives… and you’ll never see her again…
10. You Find Yourself On The Verge Of Vomiting At The Mere Mention Of Any Of These Topics
b) Graduate School
c) Plans for After Graduation
Did you know we graduate in less than 100 days?? Where are you living after you graduate? Are you going to go to graduate school or get a job first? Oh… you’re traveling? And you’re an english major?… Good luck in the job market! Look on the bright side, at least you won’t have to pay rent because you’ll just be living in your parent’s basement forever.
*vom*, *cry*, *pass out*
But not to fear, seniors, it’ll all be okay. Along with all the anxieties that come with the age, this is probably going to be the best time of our lives. We are all 21 after all.