Do you ever have those tiny moments of panic where you don’t know how to handle a current situation? You look around the room for an adult to help and give you some wise advice on these adult things, and suddenly realize that you are the adult in the room? If that hasn’t happened to you, then congratulations! You’ve made a successful transition into adulthood and I hate you. But if you’re like me and this happens more than once a week well, I feel your pain. Being an adult does have its plus sides, and I’ll be sure to let you know when/if I find out what they are, but here are some of the worst things about becoming an adult…so far.
Remember the good old days when your parents gave you a $25 allowance for the weekend and it felt like you had the whole world at your hands? Yeah, same. Where the eff did that go? Now $25 is like, “OK cool, I don’t have to eat oatmeal for dinner tonight.” It seems that no matter how much you work or how much you make you’re still always broke.
Being an adult means you now have to somewhat listen to society. You graduate college and then get married, buy a house, have kids and then send them off to boarding school (JK. Kind of). All while still facing the issues of #1. God forbid you don’t get married and have kids soon enough, your mother will start worrying that she’ll never get grandkids out of you and you’ll end up an evil old spinster with 13 cats. Although in hindsight that wouldn’t be the worst thing.
You have dinner guests over and suddenly realize there are no clean cups. Why? Because you’re an adult now and your mother isn’t around to clean up after you. You’re late for work because you don’t live at home anymore and there’s no one to shovel the driveway for you. You run out of water mid-shower because you still haven’t paid that water bill. WHY DON’T BILLS JUST PAY THEMSELVES?
Now that 9:30 PM is your bedtime, there aren’t enough hours in the day to complete all the things that come with being an adult (refer to #3). Even entertaining the thought of staying up and running off 3 hours of sleep exhausts you. You’re somehow always left with the dilemma of either finishing your tasks before bed and lose sleep or screw it, just do it tomorrow and pray that your landlord doesn’t complain about the garbage sitting outside your door. Anything less than 8 hours of sleep and you’re pretty much a useless sack of potatoes at work and since you’re an adult now calling in sick to work because you need to sleep is not acceptable.
5. Faking it.
I’m not talking about in bed (okay…but yeah, that too). I’m talking about putting on a fake smile and nodding when you really want to tell your co-worker to GET THEIR SHIT TOGETHER AND SUCK A FAT ONE. Except you’re classy and that is totally beneath you – sort of. Plus, nobody likes the office bitch. You’ll probably get so good and the fake laugh and smile people won’t even know the difference.
6. Keeping Up with the Joneses.
Gone are the good ol’ days of who can do the monkey bars the fastest or who can down a Slurpee from 7-Eleven first without getting the worst brain freeze known to man. It’s all about who makes more money, drives the nicer car, wears the more expensive clothing; the list is never ending. You can’t avoid it either because if you aren’t competing with anybody you’re basically a nobody.