Recently there was an article published here on Thought Catalog called “15 Newlywed Men Reveal Exactly How They Feel About Being Monogamous the Rest of Their Lives.” Reading the article, I couldn’t seem to decide which was worse—the men who say they are willing to cheat and don’t see how it’s a problem, or the men who feel as though they are entitled to have sex with their woman when they see fit because—and I quote, “Why else tie the knot?”
I’m not going to down play the importance of sex in a relationship; I’m well aware it’s a major part in a successful partnership. So I’ve decided to take to friends, family and social media and ask the same question: “How do you feel about being monogamous the rest of your life?” Unlike the original article, I opened the question up to people who are all at different points in their relationships. I was curious to see if the views on monogamy change with age and duration of the relationship. To my surprise—especially after reading the first article—not one of my sources condoned cheating. Here are a few to help you restore your faith in men.
1. “I don’t have interest in anyone else so I’m okay with it.”
—Matt, 28, engaged.
2. “I was known as little bit of a player in my younger years. I never really saw myself as the ‘settling down type.’ All that changed when I met Jocelyn. It wasn’t love at first sight, but the more I got to know her and spend time with her, I realized that she was the game changer for me. I’m now 27, engaged and have a baby on the way. If you asked me 8 years ago where I saw myself today I would never imagine this life. But now, I can’t picture my life any other way.”
—Mark, 27, engaged.
3. “For most people it works. I don’t think of it as being monogamous, I just think of that promise I made to take this life journey with her till the end – and that’s what I plan to do. It’s a choice to stay dedicated to someone for a lifetime, I’m all for it. When you find the right girl, one person is all you need.”
—Jesse, 21, newlywed.
4. “I love my wife and can’t imagine being with anyone else. If a time comes and we can no longer please each other, we will deal with that when it comes. But I’m certainly not already planning to find satisfaction elsewhere. I believe once you’re committed to a person you must find any means necessary to make it work.”
—Ricky, 23, newlywed.
5. “The quest for constant self-satisfaction sounds fun in theory, and can be for a while, but the lucky ones eventually become aware of the lonely and unfulfilling side of that lifestyle. So you find the right partner and build a home, a family, you provide a support system for each other as you build your careers and pursue your interests. You come to understand that these are the things that bring real fulfillment, comfort, and a true lasting happiness. Sexual attraction to other people may never go away, but being a strong, successful person is about understanding the value of everything you have, understanding the consequences of your actions, and overcoming your petty urges in return for a greater quality of life. Being in a healthy monogamous relationship takes work, and compromise, and means not always getting everything that you want, but at the end of the line it will be worth it for me knowing I’m cared for and remembered as an honest, loving husband, father, friend, and positive role model.”
—Lyall, 35, married 1 year.
6. “Ever since I met her I didn’t want there to be anyone else. I don’t even think about it.”
—Victor, 31, married 7 years.
7. “I don’t think there are any grey areas, you either truly love someone and cheating is never a thought or you may ‘think’ you love someone, or you are just a pig which would almost always lead to some kind of unfaithfulness. When I met Nicole and to this day there has never been any thought of being dishonest or unfaithful to her. We are open with each other and have an unconditional “true” meaning of love. I would never think or do anything such as having an affair to ruin, in my eyes, a perfect couple.”
—Brennan, 36, married 10 years.
8. “There’s a comfort in knowing that the two of you are wholly devoted to each other.”
—Luke, 35, married 12 years.
9. “The notion of being monogamous for the rest of one’s life after marriage will always be a tough pill to swallow for most men on this planet; however, if you’ve married for the right reasons and respect your spouse, it’s easy enough to resist the temptation and impulse to look for infidelity as no one really would like their spouse to cheat on them. There are also many other complications that come with infidelity, such as how your kids and other extended family and friends would be affected by it should it ever come to light, not to mention the financial implications. Accepting to be monogamous is more of a passage of maturity when it comes to men, as well as a covenant that one must make with himself to honour for the sake of his own self-respect and to not harm the ones they love and care about for his own selfish acts.”
—Wes, 47, married 15 years.