Teach Me How To Not Fall In Love With You

Teach me how not to fall in love with you. You have been good, amazing even, but I have never been through this road before. Feelings should never be allowed to develop this strong. However, your constant presence, your kind heart and your jokes, which are not even funny, make it hard for me to resist you.

Tell me that what I am feeling is not real. That this will pass, for there is no foreseeable future for the both of us. I am leaving soon and no matter how hard we have been trying to keep me here, fate is just not interested.

Stop being nice. Stop being an ideal friend. I am beginning to see you more than that and that just complicates things. You have no idea. Feelings like these have been forgotten. It has been awhile. 8 years to be exact. The internal struggle of being at close proximity with you is confounding and somewhat confusing.

Being with you is being in a constant state of limbo. Scared that I am just a shot of Jägermeister away from telling you everything, at the same time, you know exactly how I am as a person. I need to know. I need to know if you feel the same way, too, for my sanity. Half-spoken words just don’t do it anymore. Sexual innuendos disguised as metaphors are getting tiresome. The air is thick whenever we are mere inches away. Yet you have no idea that this is the effect you have on me. After all, you may just be inherently charming and innately compassionate and all these conversations are only made more interesting inside my head.

Alas, my dear, we are coming to a close. I am left with just a few hours to say all these, but even after being fueled by alcohol and several drinking games, courage has been elusive. Instead, I write. Don’t give me up but please don’t make me fall harder. For in a few hours, I must go. I must return to him.

This almost love was overpowering but it comes at a price. Guilt. For I have never looked the other way. Infidelity is something I do not take lightly. I lost friends along the way because of arguments over cheating lovers but now I find myself at this crossroad. Perhaps, it is better that I am going away and staying with him. Maybe one year is my limit in keeping this long distance relationship. I need to find my way back. There is no question that I love him, I spent eight years proving that. But, I did not know that I am capable of having strong feelings for another person and it bothers me and shakes my very own identity. I hate it.

Teach me how not to fall in love with you. For I never want to ever doubt my love for him again.