1. Don’t be yourself.
We both know how much you hate and how awkward you get around people. The truth is, you would rather work alone on any task rather than having the burden of talking to someone else and constantly engaging with them but unfortunately, the so-called “real world” has other human beings in it and it is but our sad fate that we have to deal with them. Ask them about things you don’t know (which are probably a lot) and as much as this scares you, do engage in small talk like asking them how long they have been in the company and then from there, let them do the talking. Problem solved.
2. Restrain the urge to be a walking circus freak.
This is not college. You don’t get to be with your friends who have accepted you for who you are, no matter how hard it is on their part, and have learned how to adore your quirks. You can’t make funny faces here or pretend to have an alter ego. You most specially, cannot, and do not, ever attempt to talk to yourself out loud.
You’ll thank me later. Being in an office for 9 hours requires you to live up to a certain standard of being a normal human being. You don’t have to reach the highest level of normal, the minimum would do.
3. Learn to have a fake sense of self confidence.
You have self confidence when you’re with yourself and it really isn’t that easy using that same confidence when you’re with others so learn how to fake it. I told you not to live an alter ego but I think you just might need to so forget that stupid advice. Think of the most confident character you know, now do your best to live out that character every single time in the office. You must give him/her justice so don’t be sloppy on your acting. Just cut back on their dialogues and don’t try to use them in real life. If you can do that, then you’re good to go darling.
4. Actually, scratch that. Fake everything.
Greatest lesson in life I have learned.
5. Find a place where you’re acceptable.
After all that crap, this is the one you need to remember the most. Find a friend, a place, or whatever it is, where you can strip yourself naked of all socially accepted behavior. Find an outlet where you can bask in glory in your birthday suit of awkwardness. At the end of the day, you have all this pent up energy to be alone or to have a conversation about canned food history or whatever makes you high and you must let yourself indulge that because we are awesome people though not exactly the most appealing. You took an oath the moment you were born to never let yourself and people like us die. The routine of everyday life slowly creeps its way into our veins and if you’re not careful it will kill you and you must not let them succeed. Life can be boring but only if you let it be.