My favorite part of coming home after work each day isn’t just knowing that work is over, but that I finally get to remove my bra. After all, home is where the bra comes off.
It isn’t that I completely hate wearing a bra, there are some aesthetically pleasing parts. They come in cute colors with fun patterns, and there’s also a great appeal to the lacey and sexy cuts of bras. I can’t deny that they’re functional. I enjoy having everything kept in place and not just jiggling freely while I run, and I certainly appreciate not having the embarrassment of having my nipples show through my shirt on a chilly day.
But despite all that, there are also burdens to wearing a bra that every woman is familiar with, and even as a member of the Itty Bitty Committee, I cannot get away with going braless.
Firstly, there is putting the damn bra on. You have to do that thing where you turn it round to the front to get the clasps in, then work it round again until the cups are at the front, and then, finally, you slip your arms through and pull it up. This is how everyone does it, yes? Are there women out there who actually put on their bra and then reach around and blindly manage to get the clasps in place? If you do exist, then on principle, I hate you.
Next, there is the cups. During my menstrual cycle I temporarily get bigger boobs; not big enough to warrant buying a new bra, but for seven days my cups runneth over. I know men reading this are thinking “Bigger boobs? How is that a problem!” but this is not a Victoria Secret moment. This is more of a quadraboob effect which consists of having some extra boob flesh peeking out the top of my bra, making it look like I have four boobs instead of two. So I then proceed to spend all day trying to discreetly adjust my bra and get the cups to fit right. Or there is the opposite issue, where I have lost a few pounds, and with a smaller waistline comes slightly smaller boobs. Now, I have cups that are slightly big and there is a gap between my boob and my bra that serves no purpose except for those moments where it is used as an emergency pocket.
Then, we have straps to deal with. Either they are too loose and constantly slip off your shoulder, or they are too tight and dig into your shoulder. On the rare occasion when you have adjusted them perfectly, and they sit as they are supposed to, they are still a burden because they are this thin strap of material that is just sitting, unmoving on your shoulder for hours and hours on end, and just like any item worn for long periods, it becomes a nuisance.
Finally, there’s the underwire. A piece of wire sitting on top of your ribcage is surely some form of modern day torture; anyone who has ever had their underwire poke out and stab them in the armpit can attest to this. Those things irritate, especially in the summer, when you are dealing with the heat, humidity, and sweat.
It does not matter the cost of the bra, or the size of the boobs, everyone has their own bra horror stories. Either they confine, or ride up, fall down, pinch and hurt your shoulders or your back, or chafe your underboob, the list is endless. So, when you get home breathe a sigh of relief as you remove your bra and say bye to your burden. At least for a short while.