A few weeks ago, I was talking to one of my friends about an attractive guy I had spotted in a café. Good looking to the point I had literally stopped typing on my laptop and taken a moment to watch him place his order. In a discreet manner of course. Though internally I was acting like a wolf from a Tex Avery carton; slobbering and whistling, my heart palpating right out of my chest, eyes bulging. You get the idea. Anyhow, I was telling my friend about him and she casually said “Why didn’t you go over and talk to him!”
Easier said than done.
It is not that I lack confidence, I am moderately confident. As a matter of fact on that particular afternoon I was having an amazing hair day and was on the cusp of picking up my jaw from the table, and approaching café hottie, but he left before I had the chance.
Like any other woman who is considering making the first move, and hoping the object of her potential affection is straight and available, I run through the regular self doubt questions. What if I am not thin enough? What if he has a girlfriend? What if he does not find me pretty?
But the reigning, ultimate, question that always comes up in my mind is ‘Does he date black girls?’
Look, sure he might find Halle Berry hot, and let’s face it, who doesn’t. He might be attracted to Zoe Saldana and enjoy watching Beyoncé gyrate, shake and shimmy. But all of that is no guarantee that he actually dates black girls.
You would think I ask myself this question only when it pertains to non-black men. Not true. There are plenty of black men out there who do not date black women — at all. So I am still left wondering. I’ve found it is not just me who asks this question. The conversations I have had with my Asian, Latina, and South Asian girlfriends have confirmed that we all ask ourselves.
Does he date women of my race?
It is not a question that holds me back from approaching a man, at most it gives me a moment of hesitation before I decide to make a move. However, that moment of pause can cost me an opportunity, like it did with café hottie.
Still you can’t win them all. While I might have missed that chance, there are still a lot more fish in the sea right? Is Michael Fassbender still single? He dates black girls! I should find a way to slip him my number…