If He Was Actually Into You, He’d Make Time For You

Jonathon Reed

No ‘k’ reply, no three typing dots… nothing. He said nothing. NOTHING.

I don’t even understand. Granted, I told him I didn’t want to talk anymore. But, I did so in the hopes he would at least write back something quick and thoughtful about how amazing I am and how he’s a total idiot and that he wanted to make it work. But instead, he left me on read, checking my phone impulsively for 24 hours.

“Maybe he just needed like 23 hours to think about it. Maybe he is plotting an elaborate plan to get me back, and he needs a few days to think about it. Yeah. That’s definitely it.” Except that wasn’t it. That wasn’t it, at all.

He just really didn’t care.

I am being dramatic of course. We dated for two months and he showed all the warning signs of a phantom (not a full ghost, but just on the precipice). He would read my texts, and not reply for hours. He’d talk about how “busy” he was and how much work he had to do. Birthday dinners, sports games, work events. You name it. SOOO BUSY!

I even walked by him once after texting him I would be in a certain neighborhood. He read it, and didn’t reply. Then, I WALKED BY HIM in said neighborhood. Instead of hitting him and being like, “HEY! Oh my god! Fancy seeing you here!” I texted him, and said, “Hey, did I just see you?” I

Instead of being like “Wow! Maybe. I’m in this neighborhood and just walked out of the plaza,” he initiated his usual song and dance of, “Oh, I’m not sure.”

Like, what? Seriously. WHAT? It was childish.

I should have known then and walked away. Sprinted, actually. I should have sprinted away.

But, when you meet a cute, English lawyer, with the nicest apartment you’ve seen in the city, who makes you laugh, and shares your love of podcasts and music, you stay, and you try a little harder, because maybe, just maybe, he’s just playing hard to get.

But he wasn’t. He wasn’t playing, he just was hard to get, and why? I mean I am arguably better looking, ALMOST taller, and I am a catch. But, when a guy plays the ever-seductive withholding dance, you are hooked. And nothing makes you feel worse. It’s torture. Checking your phone for texts, seeing he read them and just doesn’t care to reply.

The nail in the coffin came at the three-day music festival we attended together. He was going with his siblings and friends from home. “Oh goody!” I thought, “I’ll get to meet his family.” I know you’re rolling your eyes right now, because writing this makes me feel like a complete idiot.

Try to hold back your shock – he didn’t want me to meet his family, or his friends. Shocking, I know. Instead, I saw him at the music festival after a read and ignored text. He was on the phone “dealing with a disaster” (Awww…. poor phantom). So, then he came to hang out with me and my friends for thirty minutes. I texted him after he walked away to see if I could hang with him during the last act, because my friends were leaving.

I know this may astonish you, but, he read it, and didn’t reply.

So, I went home feeling like total garbage. Not only because this guy can’t even be bothered to hang out with me, but also because I was letting him dictate how I was feeling.

The music festival was two more full days. We were in the same place for two full days and he didn’t so much as text me. I deleted his number.

Monday after the festival, after three-point-five full days of no texting, he texts me: “How was the rest of your festival?” Really, dude? REALLY?

I could have screamed. Instead, I texted him this:

“I think it’s best we stop talking. I like you, but want something more serious and it seems like we’re not on the same page. I wanted to chat over the phone or in person… But I know how busy you are.”

And, guess what? In true phantom fashion, he read it, and said nothing,

The lesson? You know. You always know.

I knew early on he was Flake Lively. But, I kept hanging on, hoping my undeniable charm and humor would win him over and change his mind into loving me and wanting me to be his girlfriend. I wasted two months of obsessively checking my phone and sending texts with fingers crossed, cancelling plans, and catering to his schedule, and worst of all, so much self-doubt.

But he wasn’t worth it.

After all that, I realized that if a guy wants to hang out with you, he’ll make time for you. He really will. If he doesn’t care about you, he will hang out with you when it’s convenient for him.

While he may be awesome and charming during those times, guess what? You deserve better. You deserve full attention and you deserve a fucking reply text, AT MINIMUM. So, English, wealthy, and a lawyer, meh. Doesn’t matter. I saw a shirt yesterday that said “Be your own Bae.” So, for now, I’m going to do that. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Sam Heron is a freelance writer and serial dater. She is living in Brooklyn, loves podcasts, festivals, and vino, lots of vino.

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