We are on a perpetual roller coaster of existence until we fall out of our seats and into an abyss of the unknown. While on this perpetual roller-coaster, we go through quite shitty times and exciting moments. Sometimes, those shitty times begin to pile up and result in a poop river. It just becomes a big sewer of reality. As things begin to reek, our only focus is the search for an escape – a way out. When you’re up to your neck in a sewer of your own shit, every breath grows heavier and the only concern of yours is survival. How do you survive? How do you keep going when you can ever-so-barely lift each foot up? Your size US 7 feet have never felt so heavy in such a impenetrable river.
Finally, your glazed eyes spot the escape – after 72 dreadful days of stinking cardio. However, it isn’t what you thought it was. It’s not a light. It’s not a person. It’s not a receiving of something. It is the taking of something: your life. It is your only escape. You’re now soaking in the feces of your fellow locals and yourself, every breath you take is toxic, and every step is agonizing. What do you do? It’s all you can think of. It’s all you want to do. You’re alone. You’re entirely alone in a sewer. What do you do?
You don’t do it. You don’t. You do not. Just a few more miles and I promise you will find another exit. It’s not dark. It lies within yourself.
It’s incredibly hard to be so devoured by your own thoughts that you become a tenant in your own mind. Your mind is that sewer. How do you escape what’s already the biggest part of you? You don’t. You can’t. You slowly heal and turn that sewer into a more habitable environment.
Every time you consider taking the closest exit, you need to take a step back. You need to take a deep breath. Release. Then take a few steps forward. Take one more back when it becomes tempting again. Then take a few more steps forward. Keep going. Look that exit in the eye and walk right past it. There are people around you. There are loved ones that you cannot see right now. You are so consumed by your own thoughts and self-hatred that you are incapable of seeing them. It’s not your fault. It’s not theirs. Set an everyday reminder to remember who they are. Why they’re here. Why you’re important.
You are important. You have a future that lies outside this sewer and you will get a positive grasp of it.
Nothing lasts forever. Suicide is not the answer; it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Always remember that.
You’ve got this.