When things aren’t exactly going according to your three-year plan, people believe you’re embarking on a downward spiral of despair. As a single, unemployed woman alone in a big city I’m often the target of advice from family, friends, hell, even strangers who believe the can be the light at the end of my darkened tunnel. While some of the advice may be useful, it is rarely the right time or place to tell someone to rethink their life choices. So when faced with dilemma of whether to punch your new found life guide in the face or avoid them at the next get together; here’s some tips to navigate through unsolicited advice.
1. Punch them in the face
Now I am not an advocate of violence, but sometimes folks just need a pop in the mouth. Not only will it make them think twice the next time they’re in the advice giving mood; it’ll keep them quiet while they ice their lip.
2. Smile gingerly and nod
You know they mean well, they’re just trying to help. It’s not their fault they’re helping you to the nearest psych ward. As they babble on about how you’re venturing on the wrong life path, you could be planning your TV schedule for the weekend.
3. Ask how their life is going
It’s obvious that their life must be perfect since they’re offering free advice all willy-nilly. An 850 credit score, ideal relationship, emotionally stable and totally love their job. Wait, none of that is true? Oh.
4. Have a drink
If you follow #3 and really have to sit through how little their life is aligned you’re probably going to need something to numb the ears and brain while they ramble about. Hey, don’t forget your life sucks, too, so make it a double!
Oops, I can’t go out with your weird cousin because I am in a committed relationship. Unemployed? I’ve been working for months now. In fact, I just got a new place near the lake. Visit? Umm, I’m doing some renovations…
6. “You don’t know my life!”
Ah, a tantrum. Nothing dampens the mood like a fake mini-meltdown. They already believe your life is in shambles, why not give them a little show. Throw in some tears and snot-dribble and you’ll be wondering why you didn’t take up acting.
7. Interrupt and change the subject
Oh, hello, rudeness. Of course I don’t mind talking about how hopeless my life has become in the middle of this party. Did I tell you about the funny cat video? Hilarious, I swear!
8. Ask for money
Your life would be so much more on track if you had some extra cash. You could pay a bill, treat yourself to a movie where you meet the love of your life, put gas in your car to make it to your next interview. The possibilities are endless. I don’t need advice. I need your pin number.
9. Have another drink
Oh, why the hell not. If you’ve been listening to them for over five minutes you deserve it.
10. Live your life
Take this advice or leave it, because there is nothing greater than doing whatever it is that you want.