It was unrequited, very much unrequited. The girl that once was the unbreakable finally broke.
It was confusing at first, being the girl who gets the attention finally found someone who will never shed a glance. I knew then that we were both out of our leagues. How contradiction perfectly fits our description.
The first time I saw his smile was the first time I ever felt something different. Something I know I never experienced before. It was like a familiar feeling but with an unfamiliar face. Every day was a game of hide and seek. I would search for him in the crowd knowing that he wasn’t there. I tried not to like him but all I did was fall harder.
I know my heart connected, but his did not.
It was easier to pretend that the feeling doesn’t exist. That everyday we cross paths it never matter. But the pain and excitement is there. How I tried desperately to get a single glance from you but nothing came from it.
Finally one day, I had an emotional break-down. I would look to myself in the mirror and question why. Do I come off to strong? Is there something wrong with me? Do I look ugly? Am I ugly? All this intoxicating questions began to envelope me. It ate me for the past years.
One day after crying myself to sleep I woke up and I felt like it was over. I was finally freed from this toxic love. It felt like it is me again. It was months of freedom until a time of emotional difficulty came. That day was weighing me down to the point of I was about to cry while walking home. I looked up and prayed for something to happen. Something to erase the pain of that day away. I walked towards the train station and I saw my answer. You were there standing, like I was destined to see you there. Nothing physical happened but the emotions that was weighing me down lifted. Then I know that if you shed a glance I would fall back and so you did.
They say it’s not the butterflies that tells you that you are in love but the pain that comes with it. Funny how all this happened without you even knowing.