If your heart has been broken way too many times, you’ve always believed in love and the magic that comes with it. Maybe you’re a hopeless romantic constantly trying, but never succeeding in love. You let yourself believe in miracles and you have a soft spot for fairytales. You wished upon airplanes and shooting stars, thinking there’s nothing different between the two. Maybe you’re the kind of person who gives a piece of your heart to everything you used to love. But the human in you gets tired, too. You get so tired of always being the one taking care of the people you love, that for once, you desperately wanted someone to take care of you, too. So you continue to give away so much love in the pursuit of finding someone who would give them back…but you know that’s not how it works.
If your heart has been broken way too many times, maybe in one way or another, you’ve fallen in love with someone who doesn’t love you back. Or maybe you waited for someone who never came. You wasted your time on someone who doesn’t want you enough, someone who’s not willing to cross the line, someone who doesn’t want to get too attached, or someone who pretended they could love you. Or maybe for a moment, the feeling was mutual. Maybe they did love you once, but they just changed their mind.
If your heart has been broken way too many times, maybe you’ve stayed up all night missing them, thinking how they’re falling asleep when you’re falling apart. Maybe you’ve cried in the shower so no one can hear you. You’ve mastered the art of faking smiles and no one ever noticed. You played back memorized conversations in your head because memory’s all you’ve got. Maybe you pretended you don’t feel stabs in your chest every time you hear their name. But at the end of the day, you need to go home and face the reality you’ve been trying to avoid. That you have this kind of sadness that just won’t go away.
If your heart has been broken way too many times, you learn not to trust promises, because you know promises are more fragile than your heart. You try to control your emotions how you think you control your life. You measure the weight of every word before they leave your lips because you realize how a single word can be twisted and hurt someone. You put your guard up to people who want access to your heart. You keep the walls high and the doors locked. You hold your breath, waiting for people to leave. Because people leave, while feelings stay. They leave even if you’re not ready to let them go. They always do.
If your heart has been broken way too many times, you’re wary of friends who only keep you at a convenient distance. Friends who never let you close enough and ditch you when they find a better one. Those who keep you around to vent about their struggles, but never even ask if you’re okay. Those who don’t know how sad you get at night. Those you miss so dearly even if they’re right beside you. It makes you realize that you’re slowly losing the people you thought you’d get to keep forever. Because the truth is, friends can break your heart, too. Sometimes even more brutally than others.
If your heart has been broken way too many times, I hope you don’t give all your love away to anyone who shows up and acts like they want it. I hope you will give some of that love to yourself because you deserve it. I hope you get to meet people and friends who won’t try to “fix” you. Because you don’t need fixing. You just need someone who will stay even with the broken pieces.
If your heart has been broken way too many times, I hope you learn a new lesson each time.